qfx

Arkham and SosoValue-those digital fortune-tellers-hint at underlying currents, whispering of secrets behind DOGE’s fall. But what truly transpired in this grand spectacle of financial melodrama?

Among the attendees are the financial heavyweights: BlackRock, J.P. Morgan, Mastercard, and Stripe. They’re all set for the third annual London Digital Assets Forum (DAF3)-a gathering that sounds suspiciously like a wizard’s council but with more spreadsheets and fewer wands. This year’s theme revolves around how the UK’s Cryptoasset Reporting Framework (CARF) is shaking up interest in the mystical realm of digital assets.

The Kingdom of Bhutan is about to join the blockchain club-late, but hey, better late than never. They’re trading their passive Bitcoin mining hobby for a full-time gig as a public L1 validator. Because nothing says “progress” like pretending to secure the internet while everyone else is still figuring out TikTok.

In a recent X post, punctuated with the appropriate number of slashes (apparently that’s how one demonstrates enthusiasm online these days), Long explained that stablecoins are the “foundation” for settlement, not some sort of quirky alternative. Visa and Stripe, along with these “major institutions” (who they are remains a mystery, like the location of Jimmy Hoffa), are, get this, using them! For business-to-business transactions! It’s enough to bring a tear to your eye, really.

This widening gap between fervent belief and actual usage suggests that the chief hurdle facing this not-so-cryptic industry isn’t merely about spreading awareness or rallying ideological support. No, dear reader, it seems to be something entirely different-perhaps a matter of convenience, or as some might say, a failure of imagination.

According to the esteemed chroniclers at crypto.news, XRP (or should we say, the unfortunate XRP) has lost not only its $2 psychological bulwark but also, one suspects, a certain measure of investor confidence. The asset, ranked fifth in the crypto hierarchy (a rank it holds precariously, like a debutante clinging to last season’s fashion), has declined 11.2% over the past week-nearly 20% if one has the misfortune to recall its lofty peak this month. Such volatility is enough to give even the most seasoned speculator heart palpitations.

GameStop, that purveyor of pixels and plastic, is once again the subject of whispers in the City. It appears the company has indulged in a rather significant transfer of digital currency, a move that has naturally piqued the curiosity – and perhaps the anxieties – of those who follow such things.

It appears our “crypto” expert, one Ophi Rume – affectionately known as Cryptopreacher (a title loaded with a delightful irony, wouldn’t you agree?) – is quite perturbed. He believes our policymakers, in their infinite wisdom, have forgotten the simple virtue of…growth. A curious oversight, given that growth is generally considered rather desirable. He suggests – rather audaciously, I might add – that they should perhaps consult with the Americans. Because, naturally, everything the Americans do is a shining beacon of regulatory enlightenment.

Altcoins, ever the loyal sidekicks, have taken a scenic route to the bottom, with XMR and HYPE leading the charge in a dramatic exit from the spotlight. It’s like watching a reality TV show where everyone’s secret is finally out, and no one’s happy about it.

According to Miss Long, crypto is fixin’ to be a core part of modern finance, and could wind up in a good half of them Fortune 500 companies. Fifty percent, mind you! Why, that’s nearly enough to cause a proper excitement. Though I suspect a good many of them companies are already invested in findin’ ways to confuse their accountants.