qfx

So, “The Open Platform” (The Open Platform… what, did they put months into that name?)—anyway—they just raised $28.5 million in funding from Rabbit Capital, and Pantera Capital, among others. A lot of capital, for a platform that’s supposed to be open! I’ve seen less money at a New York divorce settlement.

Roman, however, appears to be swapping existential panic for a cool blend of denial and dry humor worthy of any brunch table. In a recent (likely slightly awkward) chat with Crypto in America, he basically said: “Um, hi, government? You’re prosecuting me for writing code. Literally, just typing things into a laptop. Not for, you know, any actual crimes.” 👨‍💻🤷‍♂️

Currently, Pi Coin is priced at a modest $0.48, but with a global community of over 70 million users and an AI-powered app studio that has birthed nearly 8,000 new apps, a listing on these big exchanges could truly change the game for Pi.

Solana, having once conquered the icy cliffs of $150 with the élan of a Wildean dandy invading the Riviera, ascended above $152, believing itself to be positively magnetic. It even soared past the 50% Fib retracement—proof that mathematics, like art, is best left ambiguous.

Once more, as if swept by the grand cycles of history and premonitions of profit, Nano Labs restated their pledge: to one day amass a veritable dragon’s hoard—$1 billion worth of BNB—nestled securely between 5% and 10% of the total supply. As of this Thursday, by some meticulous accounting worthy of a Tolstoyan estate steward, the tally reaches $160 million in both BNB and that glittering cousin, Bitcoin. The arithmetic is simple; the implications, less so.

On the daily chart of HBAR/USDT, a most dramatic scene unfolds. A descending channel, which had imprisoned our hero since early May, has been shattered by a bullish candle, pushing the price above the upper boundary near $0.15. This, my friends, is no mere coincidence but a clear sign of a reversal setup. 🚀

But wait, Visa’s not about to let Mastercard steal the show! 🎭 They’re rolling out their own stablecoin initiative in Latin America, because who needs a siesta when you can have crypto? 😴 Countries like Mexico, Colombia, and Argentina are getting in on the action, and we’re talking big numbers – $27 trillion in stablecoin transactions last year, eclipsing both Mastercard and Visa’s combined volume! 📈

The meteoric rise of IBIT, like a phoenix from the ashes of traditional finance, has placed it ahead of many a long-established fund. It is a testament to the growing appetite for digital asset exposure among institutional investors, who, it seems, have finally decided to join the party. 🎉

Let’s get into the juicy bits. The bill, which combines the best of both worlds—tax cuts for the wealthy and a higher debt ceiling—is expected to shove the U.S. Treasury into yet another round of desperate borrowing. But here’s the kicker: more debt means less liquidity. And less liquidity means that risk assets like our beloved Bitcoin might take a hit. Oh yes, we’re talking about a little bit of financial drain. 💸

But alas, dear investor, do not be swayed by this sudden surge, for the true test of mettle lies ahead. Can WIF sustain this momentum and breach the vaunted $1 mark? Only time, that great revealer of secrets, shall tell. 🕰️