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Apparently, according to the venerable sages at Santiment, Ethereum’s recent antics are not just coincidence. No, no-it’s a grand chess game where traders, lurid with greed, gobble up Bitcoin during a “market correction,” as if it’s the last slice of pizza at a party. Meanwhile, Ethereum, the quiet genius, keeps performing better and better, despite the crowd’s apparent indifference-perhaps because everyone else is busy losing sleep over that other coin that shall not be named.

Bitcoin (BTC) has been dancing within a multi-month “upward” channel, occasionally taking a breather like an athlete before the big game. BTC’s been above $100k for a glorious 56 days straight, proving it’s got more stamina than a caffeinated squirrel. 🐿️☕

On Monday, NFT Price Floor data showed that the total valuations of NFT collections plummeted to $8.1 billion, marking a 12% decline from last Wednesday’s market cap of $9.3 billion, which had soared 40% since July. It’s as if the market was on a rollercoaster ride, only to hit a sudden stop. 🎢

And the altcoins? Oh, they’re just following Bitcoin like it’s the cool kid at school. 🏫✨ Everyone’s bracing for more volatility because, apparently, the world can’t stop talking about Trump and Zelenskyy’s next coffee date. ☕🤝 Will they save the world? Will they spill the tea? Who knows. But one thing’s for sure: the crypto market is having a full-blown existential crisis. 🌪️💭

Enter the oracle, Doctor Profit-yes, that’s a real job, apparently-who declared on his nearly 425,000 followers that Bitcoin will twiddle within an 8% range until the leaves start falling. Sounds cozy, right? Nope. Then he drops the bomb: September will be “very red,” meaning more bloodshed than a butcher’s shop on a Saturday. Because what’s Bitcoin without a little chaos to spice up the portfolio?

The analysis, a tale as old as time, presents two paths for Bitcoin’s price after its fall from grace. Both begin with a fleeting hope, a bullish surge, only to crumble under the weight of bearish despair. Yet, in each case, the peak before resistance arrives is but a cruel joke, a mirage in the desert of speculation. 🏜️

So, Aerodrome Finance (AERO for you acronym-holics) shot up 8.5 % in 24 hrs because apparently everyone with an IQ above room temperature decided to throw cash at it. That’s £12.6 million in new money, which sounds glamorous until you realise it’s mostly people who once called their cat “Bitcoin.”

Yesterday, XRP strutted around at $3.15 like a peacock in a discount suit, basking in the mediocrity of sideways trading. But lo! As dawn broke, Trump’s latest tweetstorm about Ukraine-Russia war chaos swept through the markets like a kazoo orchestra at a funeral. Suddenly, XRP plummeted to $2.97-its lowest in 11 days-as if gravity itself had a vendetta against it. 😅📉

But hold onto your LEDGER, because fresh tea (aka market data) suggests traders are swiping left on Bitcoin and sliding into altcoins’ DMs. 💌 Could this be the next big crypto romance? Or just a fling? 🤔

Tajikistan has reported significant losses due to illegal Bitcoin mining. The country’s Attorney General, Khabibullo Vokhidzoda, revealed that over $3.52 million was lost in the first half of 2025. This damage stems from miners illegally using electricity. These losses have forced the state to foot the costs to the energy providers. The problem is creating anxiety in the country. 💸 Oh, the audacity of those digital gold diggers! 🤯