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The restructuring, filed under the UK Companies Act, reveals that Growler will convert $7.5 million in secured loans and provide fresh funds, all for the privilege of controlling Argo’s recapitalized equity. Bondholders, those poor souls, will collectively receive 10%, while current shareholders are left to ponder their misfortune. 🥴 This court-supervised charade, dubbed Project Triumph, aims to stave off insolvency and preserve Argo’s Nasdaq listing. A triumph, indeed-for Growler. 🎭

Solana Company, previously known as Helius Medical Technologies-because who doesn’t love a little rebranding for fun-has announced it will go ahead with the resale registration. That’s the nifty little trick that lets early investors unload their restricted shares onto the unsuspecting public. According to the company, this is “playing offense”-because, of course, who needs a defensive strategy when you can just barrel ahead with a slash-and-burn approach?

1️⃣ 🐶 $FLOKI jumped 15% on Monday after Elon Musk’s AI-generated video featuring his pet dog, Floki, went viral. Because nothing says “investment” like a dog in glasses. 🧍‍♂️

XRP just executed a technical breakdown so dramatic it made the 50-day moving average cry into its gluten-free granola. 💔 Traded at $2.1842 now, which is basically the crypto equivalent of “I’ll have a large pizza and a side of existential dread.” Short-term support? Gone. Confidence? Vanished. This is what happens when bulls get a panic attack and bears start a conga line. 🕺

At this moment, Bitcoin prances at $107,619, a 2.8% tumble from yesterday’s folly. Its range? A mere waltz between $107,623 and $111,555, a 5% weekly and 7% monthly decline. Since its grand crescendo at $126,080 on Oct. 6, it has plummeted 14%-a fall from grace worthy of a tragicomedy! 🎭

Lo, the mighty Bitcoin, once the sovereign of the digital realm, now finds itself in a state of… shall we say, modest recovery, hovering near the lofty heights of $110K, though recent tremors have seen it dip to the more humble $107K. Yet, even as it seeks to regain its former glory, the blockchain that once stood as a colossus now lags behind, its transactions proceeding at a snail’s pace, fees climbing like the walls of Jericho, and the absence of native smart contract support leaving it as a relic in an age of innovation. 🐢💰

Are banks growing bullish on stablecoin? Probably Not, But Let’s Pretend 🤯

“Even after the government resumes its duties,” quoth a crypto sage, “the SEC shall require four weeks to process these applications-like a weary traveler needing rest after a long journey.” 🕒 The Commission, burdened by its backlogs and legal labyrinth, must now navigate the treacherous waters of reviews and sign-offs. One might say the ETFs are as delayed as a Russian novel’s climax-always just around the corner, yet forever elusive. 📚

Much like a hero’s journey, XRP’s price has built itself a sturdy foundation above $2.20 and ventured forth on a recovery wave, in the company of Bitcoin and Ethereum. With a flourish, it surpassed the resistance at $2.350 and $2.40.

Paz, the chap who booted out the old guard after nearly two decades of their shenanigans, has promised a government cleaner than a dentist’s smile. He reckons these modern ledgers will make dodgy dealings as visible as a pink elephant in a china shop. But will it work? Only time will tell, and perhaps a few clever auditors. 🕵️‍♂️🔍