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Anyway, these guys claim that back in 2020, some hackers made off with 127,426 BTC from a Chinese mining firm called LuBian. That’s $3.5 billion back then, but now it’s worth $14.5 billion. Yeah, you read that right. $14.5 BILLION. 🤑 Someone’s living the Larry David dream, minus the whole “being Larry David” part.

Lo and behold, for our esteemed institutional and mainstream investors are not just playing at petty pursuits. Nay, they seek the grand tapestry of diversified crypto exposure! Solana, hailed as one of the most audacious altcoins, dances enticingly with the allure of next-generation blockchain technology, making it a favored muse for fund managers eager to strut their stuff in the market. 🎩

Behold! Lise, or as the Latinized scholar would say—Lightning Stock Exchange—is set to be Europe’s first tokenized marvel, promising to make IPOs as swift as a sprightly servant, saving riches in time and coin. Truly, a marvel! 💼✨

At this moment, the digital titan now trades at $114,295, having shed nearly 4% of its recent luster—a modest 7% retracement from its glorious zenith of $122,838 on the fourteenth of July. The sagacious minds at 10x Research hint at a turning point, not born of clamorous catalysts but of quiet, almost clandestine macro shifts. How delightfully ironic! 🙃

In a world where everything seems to be on an upward trajectory, meme coins are no exception, basking in the glow of renewed investor interest. But why the nostalgia for the oldies? 🕰️

Solana [SOL], that shimmering digital phoenix, appears to be losing altitude, yet the seasoned tombstone decorators—er, long-term holders—are not only unfazed but are shopping gleefully in the chaos. Instead of fleeing like frightened rats, they’re piling in, probably chuckling as the prices tumble.
As most other sellers realize they just lost a game of musical chairs, the brave (or foolish) hold steady, perhaps waiting for the inevitable bounce—because the universe loves a good comeback plot. 🎭

Ah, August—a month of sweltering heat and equally scorching losses in the crypto world. Last week, Bitcoin, that digital golden calf, stumbled mightily, breaking free from its $117,000–$120,000 comfort zone. A 4% weekly drop? Mere child’s play. Some altcoins plunged over 15%, as if competing in a race to the bottom. 🏎️

Turns out, banks love throwing around more zeros than a Kardashian at a vanity fair—think rounds worth a hundred million or more. Over four years, they participated in 33 of these “mega-rounds,” investing in everything from trading infrastructure to tokens, custody—basically just throwing money at anything that sounds cool. The shining star? Brazil’s CloudWalk, which scooped up a staggering $750 million in two rounds—because apparently, they didn’t think the first try was enough. And in Germany, Solaris grabbed over $100 million from SBI, before becoming a takeover snack. Yum! 🍪

Prosecutors claim Woeltz and his sidekick, William Duplessie, kidnapped an Italian crypto trader named Michael Valentino Teofrasto Carturan. Translation: someone with a name that sounds like a Renaissance painting and enough Bitcoin to make a small country jealous. Allegedly, the duo tortured him for 17 days to steal a password worth $100 million. That’s right—$100 million. Not chicken nuggets. Not a house. BITCOIN.

Behold! Trader Rai has shared a chart that reads more like a Shakespearean tragedy than a trading setup. LINKUSDT.P executed what can only be described as a perfectly choreographed short trade, descending from the lofty heights of $17.50 to bow humbly before the take-profit altar at $16.60. Alas, poor LINK could not hold above its previous resistance structure, retreating instead with all the grace of a cat falling off a windowsill 🐱.