Stepping into No-Code Blockchain: Aurora’s Chic New Cohort Takes the Stage

Each fresh startup has crafted its very own EVM-compatible Virtual Chain—think of it as a bespoke digital tennis bracelet, but for blockchain nerds—on Aurora’s Cloud Console. It’s the tool of choice for the developer set who prefer the “plug-and-play” life, swapping out the old hassle for instant, customizable decentralized networks faster than you can say “scalability crisis.”

🚀 Crypto’s GENIUS Act: Who’s Laughing All the Way to the Blockchain Bank? 🤑

Deaton, ever the sage, dropped this wisdom on X (formerly known as Twitter, because why not rename everything in the universe?). He noted that while Circle and Ripple are expected to bask in the glory of this legislation, Ethereum could be the real MVP. 🏆 Why? Well, thanks to the relentless efforts of Fundstrat and Ethereum’s co-founder Joseph Lubin, who are basically the Avengers of the crypto world, pushing ETH to the center of this regulatory revolution. 🦸‍♂️🦸‍♀️

China Bans Bitcoin Again—Or Did They? 😏 A Crypto Tale

Enter Kalshi, that cheeky betting chappie over at X (née Twitter), shouting “CRYPTO BANNED!” in all caps louder than a toddler at a nap time protest 🚨. First Squawk joined the chaos like it was Black Friday sales. The headline? A masterpiece of panic: “CAPITAL FLIGHT! ENVIRONMENTAL DOOM!” Views? 800k. Accuracy? Zero. 🤷‍♂️

Ethereum’s Safety Net

As of August , Ethereum is trading around $,, which is roughly the price of a fancy dinner for two 🍴. But what’s really interesting is that it’s bounced back from the EMA on the daily chart, a bullish indication if I ever saw one 🐂. And those multiple weekly moving averages? They’re like a layered defense system, protecting Ethereum from any significant damage 🛡️.

Why the Fed’s Stubbornness Is Making Markets Go Wild 🤑

Liz Ann Sonders, chief investment strategist at Charles Schwab and someone who probably knows more about money than most of us will ever see, dropped some wisdom on the Excess Returns YouTube channel. She says investors are oddly comforted by a Fed that acts like your stubborn uncle at Thanksgiving dinner: unmoved by political pressure (even from President Trump) and laser-focused on its mandate of low inflation and maximum employment. Who knew stubbornness could be so endearing? 🦺

Will Bitcoin Soar or Stumble? Tolstoy Discovers Fed Drama and the Crypto Circus! 🪙

On the first day of August, the likelihood that the Federal Reserve—who are to interest rates what stern governesses are to unruly children—would in September slash those rates, leapt to 80%. Only days earlier, the chance had been about as skinny as the honest man’s wallet after a night at the Moscow clubs: down by 20%. Bitcoin, ever the mistress to chance, thrilled at this new hope. 

Crypto Revolution: SEC Roadshow Shakes Startup World, Peirce Hits the Road 🚗

Peirce herself, armed with a notepad and (we imagine) a measure of resignation, leads these efforts. She seeks the voices buried beneath stacks of regulation—a Dostoyevskian cast of little-known, barely-funded entrepreneurial souls. The chosen are under two years old and number fewer than ten. “Why only these?” you ask. Because, dear reader, those with too many employees are already lost to the halls of Congress.

BlackRock’s ETH ETF Laughs at Market Dip While Others Cry 😂💰

Now, let’s talk numbers, shall we? Data from Farside (bless their hearts) shows VanEck, Bitwise, and Grayscale leading the day’s ETH ETF outflows with $47.7 million, $40.3 million, and $37.2 million, respectively. That’s more money than a catfish convention! Other issuers like 21Shares, Fidelity, Franklin Templeton, ProShares, and Coinbase also saw redemptions faster than a politician changing their story. But BlackRock? Oh, they’re sitting pretty, signaling they’re in this for the long haul—like a hound dog after a rabbit. 🐶🐇