Bankers & Crypto: A Match Made in…Profit?

by

So, the suits at Standard Chartered, bless their starched collars, have decided to dabble in the murky waters of digital “assets.” 🧐 They’ve joined hands – or rather, tightened their grip – with Coinbase, those brave souls offering the masses a chance to…well, speculate wildly. An “expanded partnership,” they call it. More like a desperate attempt to appear relevant in a world they barely understand, if you ask me. 🙄

They’re talking “trading,” “prime services,” “custody,” “staking” and “lending.” Fancy words for shifting bits and bytes around, aren’t they? It’s all quite astonishing, really – these pillars of the old financial order, now eyeing the glittering, volatile prize of…crypto. 💰

Apparently, the plan is to blend Standard Chartered’s “global banking expertise” (translating to decades of carefully managing other people’s money) with Coinbase’s “leading institutional platform” (a beautifully-named space for those who can afford the price of admission). They promise “secure, compliant” digital asset management. Secure…until it isn’t, of course. Compliant…until the regulators catch up. 😏

They even had a little trial run over in Singapore, letting people move Singapore Dollars around for Coinbase customers. A thrilling spectacle, I’m sure! The future of finance, unfolding before our very eyes… or just a convenient way to test the waters before everyone else dives in?

And here comes Margaret Harwood-Jones, Global Head of Financing & Securities Services at Standard Chartered, proclaiming their role as a “trusted international bank” is to guide us towards “safe, responsible and well-governed” digital assets. Oh, the irony! It’s like asking wolves to guard the sheep. 🐑

“Our role as a trusted international bank is to support clients as digital-asset markets mature in a safe, responsible and well-governed way. Our growing relationship with Coinbase further strengthens our ability to develop secure and compliant digital asset solutions for institutional investors.

By combining Standard Chartered’s cross-border trading and custody expertise with Coinbase ’s advanced digital-asset capabilities and global market reach, we aim to explore how the two organisations can support secure, transparent and interoperable solutions that meet the highest standards of security and compliance.”

So, Standard Chartered operates in 54 “dynamic” markets-mostly markets where people are trying to escape the old systems. Coinbase wants to “boost economic freedom” for a billion people. Sounds utopian, doesn’t it? But I suspect the biggest boost to freedom will be for their shareholders. 💸 Let’s see how long this little performance lasts before the inevitable cracks begin to show. Just remember who told you so. 😉

Read More

2025-12-15 11:22