Banking\’s Wild Ride into Web3

Buckle up, folks! U.S. Bancorp is now the latest bank to play with stablecoins and blockchain, which is about as shocking as finding out your grandma uses TikTok. 🤷♂️ They\’ve partnered with Stellar blockchain, probably because it\’s the only thing in crypto that isn’t completely bonkers yet. Or maybe they’re just desperate to stay relevant in 2024. 🚀

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  • U.S. Bancorp is now a “DeFi pioneer” 🏆-read: cautiously poking crypto with a ten-foot pole.
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  • Joining the fun: Citi, Goldman Sachs, and Bank of America, because it’s so 21st century to be left out of the chaos. đź’¸
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If you thought U.S. Bank’s latest move was bold, wait until you hear their second act. They’re using Stellar blockchain to send money like it’s the future. But Mike Villano, a man whose title sounds like it was written in Comic Sans (Senior Vice President and Head of Digital Asset Products), says stablecoins are “another way to move money.” Wow, groundbreaking. 🔥

He also said: “We’re very interested in what our customers want.” Spoiler: customers want crypto to finally work. But instead of fixing it, they’re just adding more layers of bureaucracy. Classic. 🤡

Gunjan Kedia, CEO of U.S. Bancorp, dropped the bombshell about their pilot program during an earnings call. Fun fact: she only mentioned payment demand was “muted.” That’s banker-speak for “nobody actually wants this.” 🤢 But hey, at least they’re not in crypto hell anymore, thanks to the Trump administration’s deregulatory lovefest. Thanks, Guv. 🌟

Remember when U.S. Bank shut down their Bitcoin custody service for three years? Turns out, they just needed a nap. Now they’re back, like a zombie crypto cheerleader with a clipboard. They’ve also added stablecoins to the menu, because why let a real revolution scare you? 🧟\u200d♂️

Villano praised Stellar’s ability to reverse transactions, which is basically blockchain’s version of a “mistake button.” If you have it backwards. But hey, now you can claw back a bad transaction like it’s the first world war. 💀

Stellar’s ranked 19th in the stablecoin game, which is the crypto equivalent of being in the Bronze Zone at a footrace. But hey, it’s been around since 2014, so they’re at least old enough to remember the Dot Com Bubble. 🕰️

Banks Team Up in Crypto’s Midlife Crisis

U.S. Bancorp isn’t alone in this… endeavor. Citi is also in on the fun, teaming up with Coinbase to create a stablecoin. Gold Sachs and Bank of America are playing tag along, probably betting on coffee to see what happens. 🤑

Europe? Oh, they’re not slacking either. Nine big banks are teaming up to study euro-pegged stablecoins. Because what the world needs is more ways to mint digital versions of things we already have. 🤷♀️

And thus, the Great Stablecoin Arms Race begins. May the mightiest fiats survive! 🎉

Banking’s Wild Ride into Web3

Buckle up, folks! U.S. Bancorp is now the latest bank to play with stablecoins and blockchain, which is about as shocking as finding out your grandma uses TikTok. 🤷♂️ They’ve partnered with Stellar blockchain, probably because it’s the only thing in crypto that isn’t completely bonkers yet. Or maybe they’re just desperate to stay relevant in 2024. 🚀

  • U.S. Bancorp is now a “DeFi pioneer” 🏆-read: cautiously poking crypto with a ten-foot pole.
  • Joining the fun: Citi, Goldman Sachs, and Bank of America, because it’s so 21st century to be left out of the chaos. đź’¸

If you thought U.S. Bank’s latest move was bold, wait until you hear their second act. They’re using Stellar blockchain to send money like it’s the future. But Mike Villano, a man whose title sounds like it was written in Comic Sans (Senior Vice President and Head of Digital Asset Products), says stablecoins are “another way to move money.” Wow, groundbreaking. 🔥

He also said: “We’re very interested in what our customers want.” Spoiler: customers want crypto to finally work. But instead of fixing it, they’re just adding more layers of bureaucracy. Classic. 🤡

Gunjan Kedia, CEO of U.S. Bancorp, dropped the bombshell about their pilot program during an earnings call. Fun fact: she only mentioned payment demand was “muted.” That’s banker-speak for “nobody actually wants this.” 🤢 But hey, at least they’re not in crypto hell anymore, thanks to the Trump administration’s deregulatory lovefest. Thanks, Guv. 🌟

Remember when U.S. Bank shut down their Bitcoin custody service for three years? Turns out, they just needed a nap. Now they’re back, like a zombie crypto cheerleader with a clipboard. They’ve also added stablecoins to the menu, because why let a real revolution scare you? 🧟‍♂️

Villano praised Stellar’s ability to reverse transactions, which is basically blockchain’s version of a “mistake button.” If you have it backwards. But hey, now you can claw back a bad transaction like it’s the first world war. 💀

Stellar’s ranked 19th in the stablecoin game, which is the crypto equivalent of being in the Bronze Zone at a footrace. But hey, it’s been around since 2014, so they’re at least old enough to remember the Dot Com Bubble. 🕰️

Banks Team Up in Crypto’s Midlife Crisis

U.S. Bancorp isn’t alone in this… endeavor. Citi is also in on the fun, teaming up with Coinbase to create a stablecoin. Gold Sachs and Bank of America are playing tag along, probably betting on coffee to see what happens. 🤑

Europe? Oh, they’re not slacking either. Nine big banks are teaming up to study euro-pegged stablecoins. Because what the world needs is more ways to mint digital versions of things we already have. 🤷♀️

And thus, the Great Stablecoin Arms Race begins. May the mightiest fiats survive! 🎉

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2025-11-26 09:37