Biotech Firm Goes Full Bitcoin Nutjob – What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

by

Hold onto your hats, folks – Profusa just decided to gamble away $100 million in Bitcoin because, apparently, biotech wasn’t volatile enough. 🚀

Biotech Firm Profusa Embraces Bitcoin

Profusa Inc. (Nasdaq: PFSA), a company that previously made sense, has now announced it’s joining the crypto hype train with a $100 million equity line of credit from Ascent Partners. Because nothing says “financial security” like betting your lunch money on a digital coin that’s crashed 80% before. 💸

Under the deal, Ascent will buy Profusa’s stock at 97% of the lowest volume-weighted average price over five days. It’s like a Black Friday sale, but for desperate companies! Profusa can pull up to $5 million per drawdown, limited only by the mercy of trading volumes. (Translation: “We’ll take what we can get.”) 🤷‍♂️

Ben Hwang, CEO and now Chief Bitcoin Enthusiast, had this gem to share:

“Holding Bitcoin safeguards shareholder value and aligns with a digital future.”

Right. Because nothing says “safeguarding” like parking cash in a crypto rollercoaster. 🎢

Bitcoin is now Profusa’s “primary treasury reserve asset,” which is corporate speak for “we’re panicking.” If their cash dips below $5 million, they’ll refill it first… before buying more BTC. Priorities! They’ll start buying this week and report holdings quarterly. Please check your portfolios and cry accordingly. 😭

This is a big flex for a biotech firm – because nothing says “institutional maturity” like copying the tech bros into the crypto abyss. 🤡

Read More

2025-07-23 00:02