Strategy Inc., a corporation whose executives likely dream in spreadsheets and Bitcoin charts, unveiled a Q3 net income of $2.8 billion-courtesy of a 640,808-BTC hoard valued at $70.9 billion. A 26% BTC yield, they claim, proves institutional Bitcoin isn’t just a fad… or a fever dream. 🤯
Strategy’s Q3 Net Income: $2.8B, Thanks to a Bitcoin Treasury That Could Buy Saturn Twice
As Bitcoin’s corporate adoption escalates faster than a rocket fueled by caffeine and ambition, Strategy Inc. (Nasdaq: STRF/STRC/STRK/STRD/MSTR)-the self-proclaimed “King of the Bitcoin Hill”-announced on Oct. 30 that it’s now sitting on $2.8 billion in net income and $8.42 diluted EPS. All thanks to its “strategic” Bitcoin treasury and “digital credit expansion,” a phrase that sounds suspiciously like a euphemism for printing money while wearing a suit. 🧥💰
CEO Phong Le, channeling the gravitas of a man who’s never lost a game of chess, declared:
“We’ve amassed 640,808 Bitcoin and raised $20 billion year-to-date via our ‘robust capital markets platform.’” One wonders if ‘robust’ is code for “we’re gambling with other people’s money and somehow it’s working.” 🎲
CFO Andrew Kang, a man who probably invented the term “optimistic forecasting,” added: “We generated 26% BTC Yield and $13 billion in gains-year-to-date-and reaffirm our full-year guidance for $34B operating income, $24B net income, and $80 EPS, assuming Bitcoin hits $150,000 by year-end.” A bold prediction, like betting your firstborn on a roulette wheel. 🎰
The results, a second consecutive quarter of “substantial earnings growth,” were fueled by a Bitcoin portfolio now worth $70.9 billion. Executive Chairman Michael Saylor, a man who speaks in metaphors and spreadsheets, praised the company’s “transparent, scalable, homogeneous collateral,” a description so bland it could put even accountants to sleep. 😴
“Our digital treasury model allows us to create tax-efficient credit instruments with ‘ROC’ dividends-superior yield compared to traditional credit.”
With $5 billion in preferred stock offerings and a new “B-” S&P rating, Strategy continues to pioneer Bitcoin-backed credit markets. Critics say it’s a bubble. Supporters say it’s the future. Meanwhile, the rest of us just hope the Wi-Fi doesn’t crash. 🌐
FAQ ⏰
- How much profit did Strategy Inc. generate in Q3 2025?
$2.8 billion net income and $8.42 diluted EPS-thanks to Bitcoin and “credit business.” A feat that would make a leprechaun blush. 🧚♂️ - What are Strategy Inc.’s full-year financial targets?
$34B operating income, $24B net income, $80 EPS-if Bitcoin hits $150,000. A gamble that smells like both opportunity and impending doom. 🎢 - How large is Strategy Inc.’s Bitcoin portfolio?
640,808 BTC, valued at $70.9 billion. Enough to buy every coffee in the world… twice. ☕️ - Why is Strategy Inc. seen as a leader in digital credit?
Because they’ve turned Bitcoin into a “collateral base” and somehow convinced people it’s not a scam. A modern miracle, or a modern farce? 🤡
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2025-11-02 01:08