Lo! The great banking leviathan, Standard Chartered, proclaims with the gravitas of a man who has peered into the abyss of spreadsheets, that Bitcoin’s four-year halving cycles-those quaint, rhythmic dances of scarcity and frenzy-are now but ghosts of a bygone era. One might almost weep for the old ways, where miners toiled like Sisyphus, only to have their rewards halved every four years, while the market, like a drunken sailor, staggered toward peaks 18 months hence. Alas, such simplicity is dead. Long live the age of ETFs! 🤷♂️
These modern marvels, these digital alchemy machines, have rendered the old logic as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Why, with ETFs, the common investor-nay, the mainstream investor-need no longer wrestle with the chaos of keys and wallets! They may now sip their lattes and watch their portfolios rise, or fall, with the grace of a caffeinated squirrel. A triumph of convenience, or a harbinger of madness? The question, dear reader, is left hanging in the ether, like a poorly written smart contract. 😂
Yet, to prove this new gospel true, Bitcoin must first shatter its wretched all-time high of $126,000-a sum that now seems as distant as the moon to a goldfish. Standard Chartered, with the optimism of a man who has bet his last ruble on a horse named “Hope,” predicts this breakout may occur by mid-2026. One can only imagine the champagne showers and celebratory burns that will follow… assuming, of course, the market does not first devolve into a screaming, crypto-fueled version of Macbeth. 🎭
But lo! Even the bank’s own price predictions have been trimmed, as if shearing a sheep that keeps morphing into a dragon. From $200,000 to $100,000 in 2025? From $500,000 to $300,000 in 2027? It is a dance of hubris and humility, a financial pas de deux that would make even Dostoevsky’s Raskolnikov blush. And yet, Bitcoin lingers at $90,397, a modest sum that whispers, “Is this all there is?” to the void. 💬
Other sages, too, have joined this chorus of change. Bernstein analysts, with all the certainty of a man who has never held a Bitcoin, declare the halving cycle “effectively over,” while Ki Young Ju of CryptoQuant waves the banner of institutional buying power like a medieval knight. Together, they form a council of chaos, debating whether BTC will reclaim its throne-or crumble into a pile of meme coins and regret. The answer? Who knows? Not even Dostoevsky, had he lived to witness a bear market. 🤷♂️
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2025-12-09 18:24