BitGo’s IPO: $90B in Custody, But Who’s Watching? 💸

Oh, so now the crypto world is all about “institutional demand” – because nothing says “trust” like a $90B vault that’s probably just a spreadsheet in a basement. 🧾

Because nothing says “trust” like a stock ticker that’s just a random combination of letters. BTGO? Sounds like a tech startup that sells… something. 🤔

Palo Alto? Oh, that’s where they keep their “assets” – in a server farm that’s probably running Windows 95. 🧹

4,600 entities? That’s more than the number of people who actually know what a “digital asset” is. But hey, 1.1 million users! That’s like a small country, but with worse customer service. 🌍

1,400 digital assets? That’s more than the number of things I’ve ever owned. And they serve governments? Oh, so the government is trusting them with their crypto? That’s reassuring. 🤝

Insurance coverage? That’s just a fancy way of saying “we hope we don’t lose everything.” And SOC audits? Because nothing says “security” like a checklist that’s probably filled out by an intern. 🧪

BitGo CEO to retain voting power

Because nothing says “democracy” like a CEO having 15 votes to your one. Control company? More like “controlled by a guy who’s probably still in his pajamas.” 😴

Secured a license? Because nothing says “regulation” like a European agency that’s probably just as confused as everyone else. 🤷‍♂️

Strong public market debuts? Because nothing says “success” like a stock that’s just a digital version of a Ponzi scheme. 📈

US Bancorp reenters crypto custody

Ah, the old “regulatory rollback” trick. Because nothing says “trust” like a bank that’s been scared off by rules and then comes back when they’re gone. 🚪

Deutsche Bank… allow clients to store cryptocurrencies… Citigroup was weighing plans… Because nothing says “innovation” like a bank that’s finally catching up to the 2010s. 🕰️

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2025-09-20 10:35