Bitcoin, ever the calm before the storm, decided to take a nap at $95K. Who knew? 🤷♂️
Most altcoins are slouching like they’re waiting for a bus that’ll never come. ETH? Still stuck in the 3k zone. XRP? Defending $2.05 like it’s the last slice of pizza. And XMR? Oh, XMR’s having a meltdown. 🤯
BTC’s Zen Mode
Bitcoin’s weekend was so quiet, it could’ve been a yoga retreat. Then Monday rolled in, and it was like, “Hey, let’s climb 2K in a day!” But no, it had to drama queen it all the way to $98K. 🧘♂️💥
Of course, it had to crash right after. Thursday and Friday? More like “BTC’s Come-to-Jesus Meeting.” And now it’s back to $95K, like it’s trying to be the crypto version of a broken record. 🎶
The Fed Chair? Oh, that’s the real villain here. Kevin Hessett? Not even a real person. But BTC’s like, “I’m not falling for that!” 🚫
Market cap? Stuck at $1.9T. Dominance? Still 57.4%. It’s like a boss who’s never late but also never early. ⏰
XMR’s Downfall
Monero, the crypto that’s as reliable as a broken elevator, shot up to $800 only to crash back down like a deflating balloon. 12% down? That’s just the beginning of its day. 🪨
Other alts? Some are up, some are down, but none are exciting. It’s like a party where everyone’s just sitting in a circle, waiting for someone to say something. 🥺
Crypto market cap? Still above $3.3T. Who’s counting? No one. 🤷♀️
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2026-01-17 13:29