Cryptonews

In his latest fireside pronouncement, the venerable Kevin (known in less exclusive circles as @Kev_Capital_TA) stitched together a tapestry of impressive-sounding technical gibberish, noting that the Shiba Inu’s finest squiggle, having bounced valourously from the $0.14 dog park, now balances on the very nose of Fate: the weekly 200 SMA, the weekly 200 EMA, and—one for the numerically inclined—the macro 0.382 Fib. “Make-or-break,” says Kevin. Call me old-fashioned, but isn’t this always the case with Dogecoin?

Elsewhere across this grand digital masquerade, lesser coins (one hesitates to call them ‘altcoins’, as if they’re a class of mushrooms) are basking in their own reflected glory. Notably, Ethereum has rather smugly ascended above $2,400, which coincidentally is enough to pay for a year’s supply of witty Twitter bots. Bravo, Ether!

Here’s the deal: SOL clung to $125 like a lifeline, and then—poof—it’s up, just like Bitcoin and Ethereum. Everyone’s excited. Above $132? Sure. Bulls flexed and managed to push up to $145. But now, it’s stuck at $148 or $150, like a guy at a club who can’t get past the bouncer.

How did this happen? Was it dark magic, a strategic masterstroke, or did someone just accidentally click “Duplicate Wallets” too many times? Let’s investigate 🕵️.

SHIB, that legendary offspring of the meme gods, rose today not like a Phoenix, but like someone who’s just realized their mother-in-law is arriving for the weekend. Up 8%! Even the pigeons in Patriarch’s Ponds are gossiping about it. 🐦

But lo! Only yester-morn, our enterprising financiers, not content with mere modesty, seized 1,111 new Bitcoins as if picking apples in autumn. And now, with their “555 Million Plan” (for who settles for small, unremarkable numbers?), Metaplanet charges forth, aiming for a staggering 210,000 coins by 2027. Pray, does Molière spot a touch of ambition here? Or simply a penchant for the grandiose?