Cryptonews

Pray attend, dear reader, for the market’s merry dance is presently eclipsed by the grand occasion of Friday’s U.S. employment figures, which promise to display a modest rise of 39,000 nonfarm payrolls-truly the thermometer by which the vigour of the world’s foremost economy is judged, or at least fretted over. Meanwhile, the long-suffering creditors of the once-promising but now-bankrupt crypto exchange FTX-fallen from grace in the scandalous year of 2021-are at last commencing the distribution of a princely sum of $1.6 billion, entering what can only be called a very slow but somewhat welcome third installment of repayments. On a lighter note, that great Ethereum layer-2 blockchain, Arbitrum, finds itself in a most civic-minded vote upon deploying its idling funds to garner rewards, as idle money being truly the devil’s workshop. 😏

Our wise analyst, with eyes sharper than a tax collector’s glare, whispers urgently about momentum brewing in this cryptic brew, imploring, “Begin the pump this instant!” as Floki tiptoes narrowly within a price channel so tight it could make even the Devil himself twitch nervously.

Aster, a decentralized exchange (DEX) that specializes in high-frequency perpetuals trading (I know, sounds fancy, doesn’t it?), has shot to the top of the DeFi earnings charts. Thanks to data from Defillama, we can confirm that Aster pulled in $28.79 million in fees over the past 24 hours, easily outstripping Tether’s $22.21 million. Move over, old timers, there’s a new sheriff in town.

The Americans, never ones to nap at the wheel, launched their own audacious dollar-tethered stablecoin blitz with the GENIUS Act in July, as if money were a game of Monopoly and the prize was the whole board. Now the dragon stirs, threatening to fan those flames and turbocharge the stablecoin frenzy.

Hyperdrive, a lending protocol perched atop the Hyperliquid network, suffered this indignity on a Saturday night-a time when one might expect the world to be sipping tea or perhaps indulging in a novel. Alas, the digital realm knows no rest. Two of its most prized liquidity pools, the Primary USDT0 Market and the Treasury USDT Market, were left as barren as a Russian steppe in winter. 🥶

On October 1, 2025, trading for Swarm Network’s TRUTH opens, and Binance will also unveil the TRUTHUSD Perpetual Contract with leverage of up to 50x. Since Binance led the charge as the token’s first listing stage, there’s a celebratory airdrop on the cards: between October 1 and 2, users can claim free TRUTH by spending their Binance Alpha points. ✨🎁

Peer now at the daily chart-our dear protagonist, bitcoin, played the Shakespearean fool in early September, tumbling into the $107,000 abyss with all the grace of a drunken ballet dancer. But lo! A double-bottom formation emerged, as cunning as a fox in a hat shop, signaling a surge worthy of a Hollywood comeback. Green candlesticks, chiseled with brawn and heft, parade bullish swagger, whispering sweet reassurances to the panting crowd of traders.

Meanwhile, daily trading volume surged like a caffeinated squirrel on a mission, meeting profit-takers and buy-the-dip enthusiasts. The first week of September and the last ten days of this month saw chaos so wild, it could’ve been a circus act. This chaos, however, kept BTC’s support level just above $110,000-like a lifeline for a drowning duck.

Apparently, they’re teaming up with Consensys (yes, the blockchain wizards) and a bunch of fancy banks like JPMorgan Chase, HSBC, and basically every other name that makes your wallet cry. Over 30 of them! Because nothing says “innovation” like a group project with 30 overachievers. 👩‍💻👨‍💻

Behold, dear reader, the genius of Charting Guy, who has apparently discovered a financial sorcerer’s stone: an unnamed asset that leads XRP’s price by precisely 29 days. How delightfully precise! Since January 2025, this shadowy companion has danced in perfect harmony with XRP’s pivots, as though they were partners in a well-rehearsed ballet.