Cryptonews

Ethereum was like, “Catch me if you can!” trading at $3,990.17, down 0.58% on the day and a whopping 10.78% over the week. Volatility, you’re such a tease! 🎢

Yet, lo! The lawsuits surrounding its recent insider data breach unveil a financial system where the institution, like a sly fox, escapes the burden, while the user, a hapless lamb, bears the brunt of the storm. ⚖️🌪️

Analysts, with the precision of a well-rehearsed vaudeville act, have mapped out a slow-grind path for Bitcoin and flagged $112,000 as the trigger while gold advocate Peter Schiff revived the gold-versus-bitcoin debate by challenging Michael Saylor’s BTC treasury bet for his firm. 🎭⚖️

During the Trump administration, Bitcoin experienced something of a renaissance. Now, Eric Trump is betting the farm-or perhaps Mar-a-Lago-that Q4 will be a 🚀🚀🚀 moment for the cryptocurrency. Unfortunately, the rest of the world seems less convinced.

While Bitcoin dangles at this level like a stubborn pendulum, most of the larger-cap altcoins are still nursing their wounds, showing little to no sign of life. The real stars? The small-cap coins that are, evidently, off to the races. If only we could all be so lucky to experience such a sudden and dramatic rise from obscurity. How wonderful!

New AI-spawned businesses will emerge, promising to revolutionize everything from your morning coffee to your afterlife, while actually just selling your data to Martian advertisers.

Behold, the numbers: a $500 billion crown for a company whose very existence is a question mark. A 3% stake, a mere fraction of its imagined glory, yet enough to ignite the fevered imaginations of those who trade in shadows and spreadsheets. Is this a triumph of capitalism, or a descent into madness? 🧠

The crypto world just got hit with another dose of chaos, and if you thought last week’s madness was bad, well, hold on to your wallets. Total market cap fell from $4.12 trillion to a humble $3.88 trillion-because why not? Bitcoin, the digital kingpin, led the way with a drop from $115,700 to a meek $109,500 by Sept. 27 at 1:30 p.m. EST. Talk about a 5.5% loss that had all the traders running for cover like scared rabbits. 🐇💸

The Bombay Stock Exchange (BSE) has denied approval for the listing of Jetking Infotrain’s shares after discovering its fundraising plans centered on 🕵️‍♀️crypto investments. The IT training company wanted to raise over 60% of the Rs6 crore through a preferential stock offer and over 60% of these proceeds via virtual digital assets (VDAs). Regulatory uncertainty was given as the reason for halting the application by the exchange. 🤷‍♀️

Nubank, that audacious Brazilian sorcerer of fintech, has unveiled a new spell: the recruitment of Michael Rihani, a man whose résumé reads like a crypto grimoire. Once a high priest at Coinbase, a card-sharp at Apple, and a Bitcoin acolyte under Elon Musk’s Tesla, Rihani now dons the hat of Nubank’s Head of Crypto. One might say the air crackles with the electricity of impending innovation-or perhaps a catastrophic explosion of jargon. 🌩️