In the shadow of the banking oligarchs, Santander-that Spanish leviathan of finance-has decreed through its digital vassal, Openbank, that the proletariat of Germany (and soon Spain) may now dabble in the arcane arts of cryptocurrency. Bitcoin, Ether, Litecoin, Polygon, and Cardano-names that once whispered only in the dark alleys of the internet-now sit alongside the staid investments of the bourgeoisie. 🪙
Hougan’s memo swings the pendulum from that slowpoke, case-by-case approval shuffle to a slick 75-day greenlight route-so long as your crypto’s got futures trading on some U.S. regulated rodeos like CME, Cboe, or the Coinbase Derivatives Exchange.
Those clever chaps at Bitfinex, in their Alpha report, whisper sweet nothings about market conditions aligning for a grand encore once September’s gloomy seasonality takes its final bow. 🎭 The crypto market cap, my loves, has swollen by a delectable 4.8%, adding a cool $180 billion to its already lavish coffers. Trillion-dollar club, here we come! 🥂
The last 24 hours? Well, let’s just say they were a *bit* underwhelming in the crypto world. Most of the heavy hitters stayed as still as statues, barely twitching in price.
Monday saw the Nasdaq, S&P 500, and even gold hit all-time highs, but bitcoin has climbed up more cautiously as the crypto market braces for what may be the first interest rate cut in 2025 after the Fed emerges from its two-day meeting, which starts today and ends with Fed Chair Jerome Powell’s press conference tomorrow. It’s like watching a toddler learn to walk while everyone’s holding their breath-except the toddler is wearing a suit and has a PhD in economics.
Pray, cast thine eyes upon the chart from TradingView, where a descending triangle hath formed since XRP’s lofty ascent to $3.66. A pattern most dire, marked by a stubborn support and a resistance line that slopes downward like a scoundrel’s luck. ‘Tis a sign of doom, I say! 🌊
It’s that time of year when the Federal Open Market Committee (FOMC) holds a meeting to pretend to decide the fate of the economy while Bitcoin, like an anxious teenager, waits for the verdict. This Tuesday marks the start of a two-day meeting, and investors are bracing for a Wednesday that could either launch Bitcoin to the moon or leave it stuck in traffic. Bitcoin hit an all-time high of $124,533 in August, before slipping to $109,907 (because why not?) on September 1. But don’t worry, it’s back in action, trading between $114,395 and $116,833 – at least it’s trying! 😅
Tom Lee, the sage of Fundstrat Global Advisors, appeared on CNBC, his voice dripping with the confidence of a man who’s seen the future-or at least, a very convincing chart. “A monster move,” he proclaimed, his eyes gleaming like a cat in a canary factory. Bitcoin and Ethereum, he says, are not mere assets; they are barometers of liquidity, ready to leap like a startled hare at the first sign of a rate cut. Three months, he predicts, and the world will gasp. Or laugh. Only time will tell. 🤡📈
Bitcoin Derivatives are overheating like a summer day in the Sahara, and traders are stacking massive long clusters, making a remarkable imitation of 2024’s setup. Because, who doesn’t love a good déjà vu?
According to Google’s blog (which I’m sure you all read religiously), this cash splash is part of their grand plan to boost AI, cloud services, and cybersecurity. Because, let’s face it, who doesn’t love a bit of cybersecurity? It’s like the Brussels sprouts of the tech world – good for you, even if you’re not entirely sure why. 🥦🔒 They’re also promising thousands of jobs, which is nice, though I’m still waiting for my invitation to become Chief Meme Officer. 🏢💼