Cryptonews

Mantle [MNT], that mischievous market trickster, leaped 12.31% to a 7-month high of $1.26 before sneaking back to $1.21, like a toddler who forgot to sit down. 🚀

One would think that after such a momentous summit, the market would be on fire, right? Well, not so fast. The TRUMP altcoin, contrary to expectations, did not shoot to the moon as many had dreamed. In fact, it mostly hung around like a teenager at a family dinner-uninterested and indifferent.

In a plot twist worthy of a Hollywood blockbuster, Saylor decided to give a shout-out to the elusive Satoshi Nakamoto, the mysterious wizard behind the Bitcoin curtain. He’s basically saying, “Hey, Satoshi! Thanks for lighting the fire of BTC in cyberspace!” This tweet comes just days after Bitcoin hit a price peak that even a rollercoaster would envy! 🎢

Nate Geraci, the so-called “President of NovaDius Wealth Management,” predicts a standardized crypto framework. “A wave of approvals,” he says, “and a boatload of new crypto ETFs.” Ah, the sweet scent of optimism! But will the SEC play along, or will it rain on this crypto parade? 🌧️🎪

According to the ever-reliable Lookonchain data, after a decade-long hibernation that would make even a bear envious, this particular ETH ICO participant has decided to rouse himself and transfer a staggering 334.7 ETH. Now, let’s not forget that back in 2014, Ethereum was as cheap as chips, with our intrepid investor acquiring his coins for a mere $104. Talk about a bargain! 🤑

Now, before anyone starts buying matching ether-shaped hats: Yes, Bitcoin did throw a wild party, hitting an eye-watering $124,128 (so much FOMO), then fainting on the bathroom floor and dropping 5% to $117,900. Meanwhile, Ethereum was this close-literally 1.94%-to smashing its ancient (2021-era) high of $4,878. Alas, like my last Tinder date, it got nervous and retreated to $4,448. Typical.

Last Friday, the Federal Reserve announced it was retracing its steps and ditching the “special supervision” program made specifically for crypto and fintech activities. Yes, after two long, hard years of pretending to understand what a DeFi protocol is, it’s more or less saying, “You’re on your own, tech wizards.”

It appears the SEC, that tireless guardian of investor well-being (and bureaucratic overreach), has submitted a status report to the Court of Appeals. A report, brimming no doubt with the thrilling details that both parties have filed a ‘Joint Stipulation of Dismissal’ for their respective appeals. Pending, naturally. One doesn’t simply dismiss things with a flourish, you see. That would lack a certain…dramatic tension.

For weeks the charts lay motionless, like prisoners whispering behind cold stone, but now-volatility thrashes in the order book. 

Why this sudden urgency, you ask? Because, dear zeks of Ethereum, a 768,400-ETH herd-$3.5 billion of misallocated hope-is queued at the gates of the unstaking Gulag. The validator queue alone is a two-week frostbite, followed by a nine-day “sweep delay,” which in plain Gulag tongue means: big door in, tiny mouse-hole out.