Cryptonews

Now, if you’re wondering what an ETF even is, don’t worry; no one really knows until they’re told three times. But let’s just say it’s like putting your favorite memecoin in a shiny suit so Wall Street can pat it on the back while pretending it belongs at their fancy parties. According to Geraci, the REX-Osprey DOGE ETF (ticker: $DOJE) is ready to make its grand entrance. “Get ready,” he tweeted ominously, as though summoning a crypto storm cloud. And oh, how he predicts the next two months will be “wild.” Wilder than a doge meme going viral? We shall see.

Ah, SharpLink Gaming (SBET), that Nasdaq-listed ether (ETH) treasury firm led by the ever-determined Ethereum co-founder, Joe Lubin, made waves on Tuesday by announcing it repurchased $15 million worth of shares. The reason? Well, apparently, they think the stock is worth less than their $3.6 billion worth of ETH. Quite the dilemma, isn’t it? 😂

From the frosted halls of Moscow, a thunderous rebuke hath echoed against the land of the free and the home of the $35 trillion debt. 🇷🇺🗣️

This grand spectacle has caused exchange reserves to swell to a jaw-dropping 85.4 trillion SHIB, according to data from CryptoQuant (who, by the way, seem to know their onions). Such inflows are often precursors to sell-offs, as traders shuffle their assets onto exchanges faster than you can say “liquidation.” The burning question, my dears, is *who* exactly is orchestrating this potential fire sale? Retail traders? Unlikely-they’re too busy debating memes on Reddit. No, this reeks of whales or institutional wallets deciding it’s time to rebalance their portfolios-or simply cash out for a new yacht. Ah, the audacity of wealth! 🐋💸

So, here’s the tea: analysts from big banks (you know, the ones wearing suits and pretending they know everything) predict the Fed will chop rates by 0.25% in September. Then, like a holiday sale that just won’t quit, another 0.25% off in December. And possibly one more early next year because why stop when you’re on a roll? 🛍️✂️

Bitcoin clung to just under $112,000 on Monday as traders mentally performed complex calculations involving whales, wallets, and wishful thinking. This was following the biggest whale sell-off in more than two years-basically a financial equivalent of a goldfish forgetting where its castle is-against a backdrop of long-term accumulation and surprisingly resilient altcoin sidekicks.

The esteemed SEC, ever so deliberate in its proceedings, announced on September 8th that the public comment period has begun-a mere formality, some might say, but one fraught with anticipation. For such matters, the agency typically takes 45 days to render judgment, though extensions are not uncommon, stretching the suspense to a full 240 days. Oh, how time drags when fortunes hang in the balance! ⏳

This CleanCore bunch isn’t just buying digital pups for fun. No, sir! They want 1 billion DOGE in a month, then a hefty paw on 5% of all circulating DOGE, God willing and the creek don’t rise. It’s a plan bold enough to make your cousin Ed, who still denies Bitcoin, choke on his beef jerky.

In his annual state-of-the-nation speech (or as I like to call it, “The Great Kazakh Monologue”), he dropped the bombshell: a $1 billion investment plan to turn Kazakhstan into the Paris of the digital asset world. 🥂💸 Apparently, the National Bank’s Investment Corporation is about to become the hottest new fund manager in town, with a State Digital Asset Fund that’s basically their version of a crypto Birkin bag. 👜✨

But wait! There’s more! Not only does USDH come with compliance options under the obscurely named GENIUS Act (because what could possibly go wrong when “genius” is in the title?), Sky is throwing $25 million at it-yes, million with a capital M-to make DeFi grow like a Chameleon’s worst nightmare. The whole plan involves a dizzying $2.2 billion in instant liquidity, which is basically the financial equivalent of showing up at a party with enough drinks to host the universe.