Star Xu, founder and CEO—spirit of the machine, or perhaps just its most public hostage—stepped onto the stage. His apology echoed with the faint desperation of empire builders everywhere who discover their bureaucracy has acquired a mind (and a cruel sense of humor) of its own.
But why, dear reader, would this apostle of financial literacy wish for such a calamity? Is he not an advocate of Bitcoin’s ascendance to dizzying heights, a prophet of its future glory? Ah, but herein lies the rub, for Kiyosaki’s desire for a crash is not born of malice, but of calculation. He wishes to buy more, to accumulate, to hoard, for in the depths of despair lies the seed of opportunity. 💸
• XRP experienced a notable downtrend over the last 24 hours from 4 July 03:00 to 5 July 02:00, declining from $2.243 to $2.219, representing a 1.07% decrease with a trading range of $0.052 (2.32%).
On a fateful Saturday, Dogecoin suffered a 5% intraday drop, a precipitous decline that would have sent even the most stalwart of investors into a panic 😱. But lo, the faithful DOGE enthusiasts stood firm, buoying the cryptocurrency to a respectable 16.3 cents, a mere stone’s throw from its previous low of 16.1 cents 🤯.
The 24-hour BraveNewCoin chart, covering July 3 to July 4, 2025, showed Uniswap starting the session near $7.20 before rising rapidly to a local peak of around $7.80. This intraday surge was driven by renewed market activity, pushing UNI to test short-term resistance just below $7.90. It’s like a cat trying to jump onto a high shelf, only to find it’s just out of reach.
Renowned—if not exactly celebrated—for its Houdini-like abilities to escape transparency, Tether faces three, and only three, choices: obey the harsh new law (how novel!), retreat from the US market entirely (oh, to be misunderstood in foreign lands!), or conjure up an all-American, apple-pie-flavored stablecoin so compliant, it makes accountants weep with joy. Alas, none of these choices involve just ignoring the law—which, for Tether, is a real shame. 😏
According to a report from the financial news outlet Dagens industri, Minister Strömmer emphasized that the police, tax authorities, and the Swedish Enforcement Authority should focus their efforts on cases that are likely to yield significant crypto proceeds, real estate, and other corporate assets. The government, it seems, has already made a tidy sum from these efforts, having confiscated over $8.3 million in criminal profits since the law’s inception. One wonders if the minister has a personal vendetta against high-end watches and sports cars. 🕐🏎️
Speaking at the Central Bank of Russia’s Finance Congress in St. Petersburg, Governor Elvira Nabiullina made it crystal clear that Bitcoin and similar assets are a big “nyet” when it comes to reserve holdings. Labeling them as volatile and risky, she dismissed the idea of the central bank investing in crypto.
According to a new announcement from the U.S. House Committee on Financial Services, the CLARITY Act, the Anti-CBDC Surveillance State Act, and the Senate’s GENIUS Act will all be considered by Congress during Crypto Week. 📜
In a notice issued on Thursday (no doubt a day of great solemnity and import), the Capital Markets Board announced that it had taken legal action against 46 websites, including the aforementioned PancakeSwap and Cryptoradar. The reason, you ask? Why, it’s quite simple, really: these websites were operating in contravention of the country’s Capital Markets Law. One can only assume that the regulator’s sleuths had been working tirelessly to uncover the dastardly plots of these crypto ne’er-do-wells. 🔍
