But the real kicker? Miners, those dusty old miners, have joined the party. They’ve been dumping over 71,000 BTC (a cool $7 billion) into Binance since November, as if they’ve finally realized that holding onto Bitcoin is like trying to hold water with your hands. ⛏️
Sethi, with a dramatic flourish, argued that these disclaimers are not merely annoying but are the bane of the crypto trader’s existence. “Speed is the lifeblood of our trade,” he intoned, “and these disclosures are like a snail’s pace in a world of cheetahs!” 🐌💨 “Fourteen steps to enlightenment? More like fourteen steps to exasperation!”
In a report that dropped on Tuesday (yes, the same day you forgot to water your plants), the global securities regulator spilled the tea: while most of these tokenization risks are old news, the tech itself is brewing fresh vulnerabilities. 🍵✨
Apparently, $377 million USDT and a cozy $650 million USDC decided to take a lovely little ride into Binance’s digital attic over the past 24 hours-probably to hide from their existential dread or just to see how it feels to be very, very rich.
The DTCC, that temple of post-trade settlements, now scrutinizes Bitwise’s creation with the rigor of a gulag inspector. Structural soundness? A mere formality. The machinery of capitalism grinds on, indifferent to the existential dread of regulatory limbo. 🔧
Behold, Lighter-the latest prodigy in the crypto pantheon-has ascended to unicorn status, its valuation soaring to $1.5 billion following a $68 million fundraise. Led by the formidable Founders Fund and Ribbit Capital, this venture has sparked whispers of both awe and skepticism, as if the very air crackles with the electricity of ambition. 🦄💸
Ethereum’s mid-2025 euphoria crashed like a nose at a masquerade ball, plunging the token into the $3,000 abyss. Summer’s gains? Vanished like a ghost in a Russian forest. Investors, take note: crypto bull runs are as straight as a Gogol plot-twisted and unpredictable. 🌀👻
Canary Funds’ XRP Trust could become the first pure spot exchange-traded fund (ETF) to list in the United States, following the firm’s filing of Form 8-A with the Securities and Exchange Commission on Tuesday. A document so mundane, it might as well be a sonnet. 📜
Sonic Labs is now focused on “sustainable growth,” which is marketing code for “we’re trying to avoid another crypto winter.” They’re ditching the hype (hopefully) and aiming for…fundamentals. Who knew? 🤔
On November 11, Curve Finance unveiled its Q3 report-a document so thrilling, it could put a cat to sleep. Yet here we are: $7.3 million in three-month revenue, up from Q2’s $3.9 million. A 89.7% increase! One might call it “modest,” but let’s not spoil the party. 🎉
