The filing claims it’s all about aligning with U.S. innovation and investor interest. Sure, because nothing screams “innovation” like slapping a flag on it and calling it a day. 🇺🇸🤷♂️ If approved, this ETF will join the growing list of niche crypto proposals, because apparently, we need more ways to gamble on digital assets while pretending it’s a regulated investment. 📈🤡
And, get this, developers are apparently flocking to Solana like moths to a slightly less buggy flame. A group called Alliance DAO (sounds suspiciously like a villainous organization) reports that over 40% of new project founders opted for Solana in the first half of 2025. That’s up from 25% last year. So, a 15% increase. Thrilling. This is because Solana is supposedly ‘fast’ and ‘cheap’. Which, in the grand scheme of things, is merely… acceptable. For now.
But whence cometh this sudden vigor, you ask? Why, from VeChain’s *StarGate* program, a scheme to lock away – as if in a coffer – over 4.75 billion VET, worth a king’s ransom of $125M since the first of July! And furthermore, the distribution of a staggering 5.48 billion VTHO as rewards! Ah, and lest we forget, the esteemed BitGo doth now safeguard VeChain’s treasures, and ’tis integrated into the $780 million fund of Franklin Templeton – a name spoken with reverence in financial circles. A most convenient arrangement, wouldn’t you agree? 😏
At the moment of documentation, XRP trades at $2.95, with daily exchanges reaching an astronomically delightful $6.4 billion. The token, behaving with the grace of an over-excited teenager, slipped by 2.5% in the recent 24 hours, further insulting itself by another 1% over a week. Yet, institutional investors march on undaunted, the rhythm of their presence unbroken after weeks of aimless loitering.
Picture this: A whale dumps $5M in USDC onto HyperLiquid like it’s a Black Friday sale at Walmart. Then-plot twist-they leverage the heck out of Ethereum, Bitcoin, and tokens named HYPE, LINK, AAVE, and Maker. Pro tip: If you’re gonna bet your life savings, might as well throw in a meme coin for kicks. 🎰
He had this “vision,” see? A line on a chart that everyone thought was meshuggah when he first drew it. “Ridiculously long!” they said. Like a borscht line at a Bar Mitzvah! But NOW, now it’s genius! Turns out everyone thought Ethereum was toast – “ETH is bad! The Foundation is selling! Solana is the new hotness! Utility coins are…dead?!” – which, naturally, meant it was time to BUY! It’s basic economics, people!
Says our dear friend Simon Gerovich, the Metaplanet President, “We’ve heftily breathed more than $1.95 billion into our bitcoin-filled piggy banks, snapping up coins for a modest $102,712 each on average.” Luuks!
Apparently, the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency (OCC) woke up last week, scrolled through X (honestly, X is still weird to say), and tweeted something weirdly enthusiastic about letting community banks mix it up with stablecoin companies. Why not spice up their lives, right? The OCC says it’ll keep glancing over its shoulder every so often, just to make sure nobody’s setting off financial fireworks. Gotta love all this “oversight”-really puts the ‘fun’ in ‘dysfunction.’
According to the ever-reliable CoinGecko, Ethereum tickled the $4,945 mark, while CoinMarketCap, in a fit of enthusiasm, reported an even more extravagant spike at $4,948. But alas, as the clock struck the moment of writing, Ethereum was trading at a modest $4,733.79, down a mere 1.26% in the last 24 hours. A tragedy, indeed! 😱
Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong, a man who has seen the highs and lows of the crypto world, has boldly predicted that bitcoin could soar to $1 million within the next decade. In a world where certainty is as rare as a unicorn sighting, Armstrong points to a trifecta of forces: evolving regulations, governmental dabbling, and the insatiable appetite of institutional investors. On social media platform X, on Aug. 20, he penned: