Ethereum Surges! Chekhov Would Sell His Overcoat For Less Drama 🎭

Peter L. Brandt, who has survived trading floors since the Iron Curtain was barely rusted and now pontificates amongst Bitcoin’s digital villagers, marked Ethereum’s recent high with a singular, almost tragic gasp: “Powerful.” Brandt has, in previous winters, regarded Ethereum much like an aging schoolmaster regards new mathematics-with suspicion and occasional heartburn. Nonetheless, he admits he would buy it, sell it, and buy it again, should the charts command, apparently ignoring all personal philosophies (which, let’s be honest, are usually ignored anyway). 😂

Shocking Truth About Chainlink! 😱 Also, V. Tempted to Text Ex 🍷

The upshot is, CryptoWzrd is frightfully excited because LINK and LINKBTC did a “bullish daily close.” A bit like me closing the fridge door after deciding against the third glass of wine. A small victory, but one feels terribly proud nonetheless. He says it means “momentum could be building.” Which is what Daniel Cleaver said about that dreadful techno nightclub in Hoxton.

Powell’s Grand Return to Classic Inflation Tactics 😂

The revered document, the Statement on Longer-Run Goals and Monetary Policy Strategy, has been reimagined, reaffirming the Fed’s unwavering commitment to “maximum employment” and “stable” prices, with a steadfast 2% inflation target, as measured by the personal consumption expenditures price index. Alas, the once noble pledge to allow inflation to “average” 2% over time, a policy that permitted the occasional indulgence above 2%, has met its end. Farewell, makeup policy; you were a bold experiment, but perhaps too whimsical for our current economic climate.

🇨🇦 Fintech Boom: Crypto & AI Save the Day? 🤑🤖

While the global fintech funding landscape resembles a wasteland, Canada stands as an oasis of stubborn optimism. Blockchain and AI-driven tools are the darlings of this era, though one wonders if they are saviors or merely distractions from the looming abyss. Edith Hitt, a partner at KPMG Canada, proclaims, “Digital assets have re-emerged as a magnet for investor interest,” as if this were a revelation rather than a desperate grasp at straws. 🧲

Bitcoin Battles Central Banks: The 1.7% Rebellion 😂💸

In just 16 years, Bitcoin went from “What is this internet funny money?” to holding its own against a $112.9 trillion basket of fiat currencies and $25.1 trillion in hard money. Excluded, of course, are silver, platinum, and those exotic metals no one really cares about (looking at you, palladium). 🤷‍♂️