Cryptonews

In a bit of a to-do on the old X, that analyst chappie Ali popped up and declared $0.30 to be the bee’s knees for support, marking the rather unfortunate lower bound of a descending channel that’s been bossing the token’s prices about since August like some tyrannical aunt. According to this Ali fellow, the zone’s been a buffer for the buyers, sparking wee rebounds and quelling further slumps with the fervor of Jeeves sorting out a trouser crease. Sarcasm intended, old bean – talk about playing nursemaid to a whimsical coin! 😏

Numbers don’t lie, folks. Solana’s got 2.5 million active users daily, and XRP’s got… 25,000. Ouch. 😬 And transactions? Solana’s doing 100 million a day, while XRP’s at 1.5 million. Vibhu’s like, “Yeah, the numbers speak for themselves,” and then he drops the mic. 🎤

They’re saying it’s because of “market volatility.” Which, in normal person speak, means people are panicking and clicking things. A lot. $295 billion worth of clicking. And $516 billion sitting on the platform, presumably generating dust bunnies and existential dread. Transaction revenue jumped to $1.05 billion. I don’t even want to think about what they’re charging in fees. It’s probably based on how stressed you are.

October’s drop was a measly 15%-practically a spa day compared to the usual altcoin bloodbath. 📉 And yet, here we are: flat volume, volatility tighter than my jeans after Thanksgiving, and an RSI that just won’t quit. Sound familiar? Yeah, because in May, this snooze-fest setup somehow turned into a 35% pump. Because crypto. 🤷‍♂️

With all the gravity of a coronation proclamation, court documents, in their grandiloquence, cited a courtly recovery rate of 143% in fiat. But this, dear reader, is a comedic miscalculation in the cryptocurrency kingdom, where valuations pirouette on volatile digital swings rather than stately dollar tables.

This stern reprimand follows what the regulators-ever so vigilant-described as an alarming surge in crypto-based wagering during Romania’s recent elections. Indeed, Polymarket’s trading volume reportedly surpassed a staggering $600 million, a sum so vast it might tempt even the most prudent of gentlemen into folly. 💸

The schism between the bullish and the gleaming is, as a recent missive from the cryptic oracle known as Ayni Gold suggests, a farce of the highest order. They are value rails, yes, but with the subtlety of a melodramatic duet. Both claim to outshine the other in their respective “lanes”-Bitcoin’s trailblazing chaos and Gold’s antiquated glint-yet their true rivalry lies in the absurdity of choosing. Imagine forgoing steak because potatoes exist.

According to our egghead friend, these tokenized deposits are doomed to be shown the door by stablecoins, those über-cautious sorts who keep their reserves in a 1:1 embrace with cash or its short-term equivalents. Malekan quips that stablecoin issuers are the financial equivalent of a sober chauffeur, while fractional reserve banks are more like a tipsy uncle at a wedding-all over the place. 🥂

As Bitcoin’s corporate adoption escalates faster than a rocket fueled by caffeine and ambition, Strategy Inc. (Nasdaq: STRF/STRC/STRK/STRD/MSTR)-the self-proclaimed “King of the Bitcoin Hill”-announced on Oct. 30 that it’s now sitting on $2.8 billion in net income and $8.42 diluted EPS. All thanks to its “strategic” Bitcoin treasury and “digital credit expansion,” a phrase that sounds suspiciously like a euphemism for printing money while wearing a suit. 🧥💰