Cryptonews

So, Strategy Inc., AKA the Gollum of Bitcoin (because “My Precious!”), has gone ahead and added 430 BTC to its hoard for a cool $51.4 million. That’s about $119,666 per Bitcoin. Michael Saylor, their chairman and resident Bitcoin evangelist, announced it on X (formerly Twitter) faster than you can say “crypto bro.” 😎 As of now, they’ve got 629,376 BTC-yes, you read that right-worth around $46.15 billion. Their average buy-in price? A mere $73,320 per Bitcoin. Basically, they’re turning into the Warren Buffett of digital gold. 🪙✨

Scene 1: Larry David walks into a Bitcoin conference.
“One percent? ONE PERCENT? These guys want to own 210 thousand coins? I can’t even find one coin behind my couch cushions! Europe, let me explain-having ‘only’ the currency of WorldCoin is embarrassing enough; now you’re cornering digital gold? That’s like hoarding all the decent matzo before Passover. Pretty, pretty, greedy!”

Instead of mooning (pun intended), DOGE plummeted from $0.24 to $0.22 in 24 hours. That’s a 6% drop, folks. SIX PERCENT. It’s like watching someone trip over their own shoelaces after announcing they’re training for a marathon. Intraday volatility spiked at 7%, because apparently midday rallies are just there to give us false hope before late-session selloffs crush our spirits.

Apparently, after much ado, Binance claims they’ve sorted out the mess-what a miracle! The mighty team has scraped together enough good will to send the long-lost 150 million PLUME tokens to the deserving. Who those deserving are, you ask? Well, those noble souls who bravely held BNB in Simple Earn or on their trusty yield farming steeds during the sacred window from July 24 to July 28, 2025. Yep, just as planned-if you believed in time travel, that is. 🤖

These two proposals first graced the SEC’s desk back in November 2024 and January of this year, respectively. And, like a turtle with a Netflix subscription, the SEC acknowledged them both in February-but only to ensure we all know they’re capable of reading calendars. 📅🐢

Now, this fortuitous event, paired with the subtle yet undeniable increase in volume and the whimsical dance of momentum indicators, whispers of a grand adventure-a potential ascent to the heavens, should our hero manage to surmount the formidable resistance levels. 🏔️

Despite a 17% PENGU price drop over the past week, analysts are hopeful for a strong move going ahead, while calling this a healthy correction. 🧙‍♂️

Bitcoin, that digital gold-or perhaps fool’s gold-has suffered a modest 2.29% tumble since yesterday, demonstrating once again that fortune favors the bold, but also the unlucky.

But wait, there’s more! BTCS is also throwing in a $0.35 per share Ethereum loyalty payment for shareholders who move their shares to book entry and hold them until January 26, 2026. That’s right, folks – $0.40 per share in ETH for the cool kids who play by the rules. 🎉

losing gains faster than your favorite sports team loses games.