Cryptonews

According to the esteemed oracle of doom, Darkfost, Bitcoin may now be entering a “phase of disbelief,” a term that sounds like the latest fad in existential therapy. This, dear reader, is the moment when investors, having been scorched by recent volatility, regard any hint of recovery with the trust one might afford a bridge in a thunderstorm. The derivatives market, that chaotic bazaar of wagers, reflects this turmoil through funding rates that have turned as sour as a forgotten fruitcake. On Binance, that paragon of trading virtue, negative funding rates have persisted for six days running, a testament to the market’s preference for shorting over longs, as if betting against the sun rising.

Just two days after hitting a 1,157 EH/s high, Bitcoin’s hashrate said, “Hold my beer!” and casually added another 7 EH/s to hit 1,164 EH/s. That’s like adding a million more supercomputers to the party! 🎉🤖

This move echoes BTC juggles in August and September, both suspiciously tying back to exchange dens. Selling again, or just window dressing? 🤔

According to a missive dated the 20th of October, the firm doth propose to leverage its experience in establishing Bitcoin mines to swiftly construct these new AI edifices. A most prudent strategy, one might say, though the notion of a Bitcoin miner becoming an architect of AI seems as plausible as a parson moonlighting as a pirate. 🏴‍☠️

Monday morning, Yak’s scribbling plans for this sharded perpetual exchange thingy on Solana, calling it “Percolator.” Because nothing says “I’m a genius” like naming your tech after a coffee maker, right? ☕🚀

In the heart of Washington D.C., where power whispers through marble corridors, the Fed prepares to host a spectacle that promises to ruffle feathers and raise eyebrows. The “Payments Innovation Conference”-a title so grand, so ambitious, it could only be dreamed up by those who dare to blend the ancient with the arcane. Decentralized finance meets the central bank? Oh, the irony! 🏦⛓️

According to Route 2 FI, major cryptocurrencies like Solana, Ethereum, and Bitcoin are currently trading around the same prices they were in December 2024. Market sentiment is very negative, with many traders feeling discouraged and cautious due to a lack of profitable opportunities.

Hyperliquid’s buyback machine is chugging along, hoarding over $521 million worth, which apparently wipes out more than 5.6% of the floating supply. It’s like they’re vacuuming up their own mess from 2025, all powered by protocol revenue that sounds way more reliable than my dry cleaner’s promises. 💸😏

Ah, Ethena (ENA)-a token that’s currently giving traders and investors a bit of a thrill, but not the good kind. The market is like a rollercoaster ride right now, and ENA seems to be heading toward a very questionable drop. Thanks to some rather ominous market signals, it looks like the price might dip faster than a rollercoaster’s sudden fall.

Recent on-chain whispers suggest one faction has curbed its selling fervor, while another cohort now clings to XRP with the fervor of a debutante to a dance card-evidence of perhaps renewed confidence. Still, all hinges upon a singular, pivotal price level, as precarious as a lady’s reputation at a country fair. 🎠