Ethereum (ETH), that ever-elusive digital gold, jumped over 3% to reach $3,840-its highest point since July 31st. That’s a 15% climb from this month’s low and a jaw-dropping 175% surge from its April bottom. If Ethereum were a person, it would be flexing so hard its arms might fall off. 💪💸
On a Thursday that will forever be known as “The Day Tether Got Serious About Siestas,” the stablecoin giant acquired a slice of Bit2Me, one of the largest crypto platforms for Spanish speakers. As part of this grand gesture, Tether is leading a €30 million funding round. Because nothing says “we’re serious” like throwing millions at a problem. 💸
KakaoBank, a subsidiary of the tech behemoth Kakao Corp, has just announced its grand intentions to launch and safeguard stablecoins. It’s a neon-lit signal that the stablecoin revolution is gathering steam worldwide.
ETH shot up like a rocket from its sneaky low of $3,563 to hit a high of $3,843, leaving everyone clutching their charts and scratching their heads. It’s like watching a roller coaster where the engineer forgot to check the brakes-suddenly, everything was zooming upward, and the bears’ faces were stuck somewhere between disbelief and panic.
So, Coinbase – that fancy crypto exchange everyone talks about at brunch – has decided to make India their new playground. They sent Paul Grewal, the legal eagle himself, to meet Karnataka’s IT boss, Priyank Kharge. The buzz? Blockchain, cybersecurity, and a dash of developer magic. Because what’s more fun than making the digital world safer and sleeker?
Scene: A rickety Moscow kitchen, radiator clanking like a cheap ASMR track.
ena
sits on the windowsill wearing virtual suspenders, smoking an emoji cigarette:
😤
In what can only be described as a ‘HODLers’ dream,’ a recent *cough* carefully crafted *cough* tweet from those mysterious Glassnode analysts announced that nearly a billion dollars were taken off the table since Saturday. They say it’s the second-biggest profit-taking event of 2025, driven by the same folks who’ve been riding this rollercoaster since 2020-probably, or maybe since yesterday. Real smart money-exiting into strength, not panic. Investors are cashing out, but at least they’re doing it with style. 😎📈
More Than Just a Flirt?
On Wednesday, Aave claimed the dubious honor of being the first DeFi protocol to amass such staggering sums across 14 networks-because apparently, the universe’s math is off by a few zeros. Token Terminal’s data reveals deposits tripled since August 2024, which is impressive until you realize the growth rate is roughly equivalent to a black hole’s appetite for drama. 🌌
With no signs of social or whale support stepping in, the selloff deepened. Though TST later rebounded to around $0.02498, the 24-hour damage remains heavy at -38%, leaving the market shaken and uncertainty high. 🤯
