Cryptonews

Cardano (ADA), that ever-optimistic dreamer, has inflated its value by 4% since yesterday-only to remind us that last week it stumbled like a drunkard, losing 1.1%. 🥴

The juicy details were revealed after a YouTube video went viral. Oh yes, it was all over the internet faster than you can say “blockchain.” The victim, ever the secretive soul, didn’t share their wallet address-who needs transparency, right?-but the blockchain, being its ever-loving self, didn’t forget. The address in question was r3cf5mgj5qEcj9n4Th28Es7NVRnXGJjkzc. Classic mistake, if you ask me.

Dogecoin had just closed its second consecutive losing week at $0.18, shedding 35% from its local top of $0.27 recorded on October 6. Meanwhile, Dogecoin was out here crying in the corner, down 35% from its little high of $0.27. Real talk: that’s not a peak, that’s just “I bought this last week.” 😢💸

Enter the bears-those lovable pessimists. Dr. Profit, the analyst with the most terrifying name since Dr. Doom, is waving his 10-year fractal around like a flag of doom. According to him, there’s absolutely no reason to be optimistic. “This market is basically a dumpster fire,” he posted on X, and if you look closely at his charts, he’s predicting a bottom that won’t show up until October 2026. How comforting!

While Kusama’s silence echoes through the digital void, his cryptic location-“on the cutting edge”-has sparked a frenzy. One might wonder if he’s referring to the latest fashion trend or a new way to make tokens dance. 🕺 “Cutting edge” indeed! A phrase so vague, it could mean anything from a new meme to a blockchain apocalypse. 🌪️

Binance, the world’s largest cryptocurrency exchange, has launched a full-scale crusade against “unauthorized third-party tools,” which are basically just… trading. 🚀 The platform’s new rules are so strict, even your grandma’s spreadsheet would get banned. 🧓💸

Litecoin, that stubborn mule, has trudged through months of crypto’s muddy terrain, refusing to sprint. Whales, those gilded sloths, have nibbled LTC like stale bread crumbs, hoarding without fanfare. A $70 dip? Merely a puddle to splash through before the grand gallop. The Bollinger Bands, those iron chains, tremble as LTC prods them-will they snap, or will the coin crumble to dust? Only time, that fickle judge, shall decide. 🎩

In this grand theatre of financial folly, one might chuckle at the irony: private entities daring to mint currency? Oh, the hubris! “Who holds the cosmic coinage wand,” quipped an insider to the Financial Times, “the central bank’s sage or some market merrymaker?” As if digital yuan weren’t enough, pulling strings to outshine these upstart illusions! 😂

DOGE is steady, but let’s be real-it’s been a wild ride. Institutional wallets are buying in, but are they “smart money” or just bored billionaires playing with their crypto allowance? Volumes are heavy, but the tape looks cleaner than my apartment after a cleaning lady visit. Buyers are defending $0.188 like it’s the last parking spot at the mall. 🛍️ Traders are whispering about a constructive weekend, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves-it’s still DOGE we’re talking about.

NYDIG is calling time on what it says is one of crypto’s most persistent myths: that stablecoins are pegged to the U.S. dollar. (Or, as I like to call it, “the digital equivalent of a chocolate teapot.”) 🍫