Cryptonews

Bitcoin, that golden calf of the digital age, perched smugly above $120,000 like a tsar on his throne, only to be smacked by whispers of tariffs from Uncle Trump’s lips, accusing the Chinese dragons of weavings lies thicker than Gogol’s tall tales. Bam! Down it dove under $117,000, unleashing a carnival of leveraged nightmares-positions bursting like overripe melons, a $19 billion massacre leaving BTC wallowing at $101,000 on some exchanges. Altcoins? Oh, poor souls, pummeled to pulp, losses so steep they could make a stone weep, nearly 99% in the most absurd of spectacles! 😂

After briefly testing levels above $2.60, a fleeting moment of triumph, XRP has now retreated toward an important support zone, a fragile bastion against the tide of despair. One might say it’s playing the role of a reluctant hero, clinging to hope as the world turns against it. 🦸‍♂️📉

In a move that can only be described as a *masterstroke* of the digital age, Ripple has decisively snatched up the global treasury management giant GTreasury for a cool $1 billion. And what’s the catch? There isn’t one! The main mission? To create a smooth, seamless integration of Ripple’s digital assets with GTreasury’s tried-and-true corporate payment infrastructure. And let’s be honest, it’s about time someone did something about the old-school, inefficient methods clogging up global payments. 😉

If you’ve peeked into your crypto portfolio lately, you might have felt a little chill… or how about a full-blown ice age? 🥶 We’re slipping into a crypto winter, also known as a bear market, where the prices tumble down like a toddler on roller skates!

Ethereum’s latest drop is like a bad blind date: “It was fine until it wasn’t.” Now it’s $3,773 and counting, down 7% today and 12% this week. According to crypto.news, it’s basically the crypto version of a midlife crisis. (Minus the sports car.)

XRP, once flirting at over $2.40, now finds itself clinging at $2.28, nervously eyeing the $2 mark like someone eyeing the last slice of pizza. Meanwhile, BNB hovers near $1,070, Solana at $181, and Cardano sitting pretty at $0.62. Dogecoin, that meme coin with dreams, has tumbled to $0.18 – maybe it’s trying to audition for a new role as a penny. And TRON just kind of hangs out around $0.30, like that friend who doesn’t want to leave the party. 🎉

Ah, Florida, that bastion of eccentricity, proposing to endow its treasury with the fleeting sparkle of cryptocurrencies-how delightfully absurd! 🙄

Now, for those of you who are new to the cryptoverse (don’t worry, we’ll go easy on you), here’s where things get *extra* fun. ETHERNASYONAL has pointed out a “classic” Cup and Handle formation on Dogecoin’s price chart. This isn’t just your grandma’s tea set-this is a technical analysis pattern that crypto analysts *love* to talk about. Picture this: the “cup” is Dogecoin’s recovery from a prior low, like a phoenix rising from the ashes (not to be dramatic), and the “handle” is a brief pause before the inevitable rocket ship takes off. 🚀

To gauge gold’s mettle, one might compare it to the M2 money supply, that most estimable measure of circulation (cash, checking deposits, savings accounts-oh, the trifles!).

The Financial Stability Board (FSB)-funded by the *mysterious* Bank for International Settlements (BIS)-has pointed out that there are some pretty glaring gaps in the way governments are dealing with cryptocurrencies. Shocking, I know. 🧐