Cryptonews

Nordea, Scandinavia’s largest bank with $437B in assets, will offer a Bitcoin ETP in December, following its ban on crypto in 2018. 🧠

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On October 31, 2008, a cryptic missive titled “Bitcoin P2P e-cash paper” landed in inboxes, a seed planted in the soil of curiosity. A brief note, yet it germinated into a forest of innovation, a testament to the power of ideas that outlive their creators 🌱. The Genesis Block, mined in 2009, was but a flicker-now a wildfire, consuming the old guard’s dogma 🔥.

According to a user named Space (who I assume is a space alien, because who else would know this stuff?), YouTube’s new rules are going to hit blockchain, NFT, and web3 gaming content harder than a toddler at a buffet. The platform now thinks any gameplay involving staking, betting, or trading digital items for money is “gambling.” So, if your video shows someone winning or losing digital assets, expect it to be taken down, age-restricted, or maybe just ignored by everyone except your grandma. 🧓

Meanwhile, a $500 million telecom-financing fraud tied to BlackRock’s private-credit arm has rocked institutional markets, raising new concerns about risk management and due diligence. Or, as we like to call it, “Monday morning quarterbacking for the galaxy.”

Such alchemy was previously performed with their SOL ETF, which now dances on the Nasdaq like a freshly pressed waistcoat. The parallels are uncanny, and one suspects Canary’s legal team has been binge-watching Masterpiece Theatre for inspiration.

Mark well, dear reader, the date of January 16, 2025. On that fateful morn, Shiba Inu’s open interest soared to a dizzying $519 million, a summit so lofty it seemed to touch the heavens. Yet, like a snowman in July, it melted away. By February, the decline was as swift as a Moscow winter, plunging by over 50%. And now? Now, it has tumbled below $100 million, a figure so paltry it would make a street urchin blush. Coinglass, that harbinger of doom, reports a mere $89 million-a decline of 80% in nine months. A tragedy, you say? Or perhaps, a farce?

Monica Long, President of Ripple and, presumably, bearer of enlightenment, recently declared-eyes glistening with technocratic fervor-that RLUSD is not “hype.” No, no, she insists. This is “real impact.” 😏 As if impact could be measured not in tears, not in bread, not in shelter, but in transaction speed. In seconds! In milliseconds! In the trembling of servers as value flashes across continents like the soul fleeing a dying body!

Crypto detectives, including the ever-vigilant ZachXBT, rolled their eyes so hard they nearly saw their own brains. “Oh, SBF, still spinning tales from your cell?” they muttered.

“Ah, the sweet thrill of a gamble!” Hougan muses on X, as if channeling a Dostoevsky character with a Robinhood account. Solana, he declares, is betting on both the “explosion” of tokenized widgets and its own ability to snatch Ethereum’s lunch. “Good bets?” He shrugs. “Better than my ex’s poker face.”