The company, ever the indecisive court jester, has not yet sealed this plan in blood or ink. Thomas Peterffy, its founder, admits the notion simmers in the cauldron of exploration. He cites “rising user interest” (a phrase as thrilling as a nap) and his own “skepticism about crypto’s long-term value”—a sentiment akin to doubting a magician’s rabbit after it’s already vanished.
By engaging in a bit of precocious front-running, our dear traders can either pad their plump portfolios against sudden shocks or, heaven forbid, bolster their bank accounts!
Dramatically performed on the fateful date of July 25, this deal, guided by the esteemed SEC Rule 144A – because nothing says “fun” like regulatory compliance – saw MARA net an impressive $940.5 million after the obligatory expenses that, one might say, are as tedious as the long-winded introductions at a provincial tea party.
Brandt, who’s got 803,900 followers on X (formerly Twitter), claims most cryptos will eventually go to zero. But don’t worry—his pet rock is XLM. 🧱✨ “Every crypto nerd has his/her/its own pet rock or Beanie Baby,” he says. “I believe 95%+ of the 11,000 actively traded coins will become near worthless—your pet rock included.” 🧬
Ethereum made history in July 2025, raking in a record $4.57 billion in net inflows from ETH ETFs. You’d think this was the next iPhone launch, but nope, just Ethereum doing Ethereum things. 📈
According to a July 28 analysis by CryptoQuant contributor Yonsei_dent, the 2025 cycle appears to be channeling its inner 2021 with a “double-top camel” structure. Picture this: two peaks, six months apart, followed by a bear market so painful it could make even the most stoic investor weep into their spreadsheet.
Ah, the jet-set crowd of crypto finally decided to stir from their slumber, didn’t they? July’s shaping up to be the season of the dormant bitcoin renaissance. Fresh off our deeply thrilling exposé on 101,000 snoozing coins (2011–2017 vintage, naturally), another 471.8678 BTC sauntered into the limelight. Because nothing says “drama” like watching digital dust bunnies go viral. 🎥
Perplexity AI, unlike your average, mundane search engine that merely lists links, synthesizes web data and provides direct, well-sourced answers. For investors navigating the tumultuous seas of the crypto market, this is nothing short of a godsend. It’s like having a crystal ball, but without the dubious mystical undertones.
Per their pompous press release, this splurge is a testament to unwavering faith in blockchain wizardry and digital dosh as a bulwark against economic tempests. How noble! Their holdings have skyrocketed by 1,410% this year, crowning them Europe’s crypto kings—or at least pretenders. One can’t help but chuckle at the irony: betting on stability in a market that’s anything but. 📈🤪