Cryptonews

So, is the sky falling? Or is this merely another act in Bitcoin’s long-running one-man show, “How to Keep Everyone Guessing”?

The CBR used to be super strict, but now they’re like, “Hey, qualified investors can play with crypto derivatives, but don’t even think about it, regular people!” 🚫 It’s like they’re trying to create a crypto oligarchy or something. Shishlyannikova said any changes would require regulatory amendments, because of course they do. 🙄 That’ll happen in 2026, because who needs crypto regulation now, right? 🕰️

On July 25, these crypto overlords announced they’re going global, baby! According to some fancy document from Macquarie Capital Limited, they’ve got a deal that’s raking in HK$2,355.03 million (aka $300 million). That’s a lot of avocado toasts. 🥑

Ah, but let us not forget the pièce de résistance: July 17th, when over 11,000 new XRP wallets were created in one day. The token responded with all the grace of an over-caffeinated diva, leaping 14.6% and soaring to a new all-time high. But alas, dear reader, every good show must face intermission—or in this case, a South Korean exchange named Upbit decided to spoil the fun with a flurry of sell orders. Cue dramatic gasps and a sharp double-digit drop. 😱📉

In a declaration made on the same day, the company disclosed that the source of this exploit was none other than a compromised device belonging to a hapless team member, a victim of this targeted phishing attack. This breach afforded the attacker a most limited, yet most alarming, access to our precious development environment.

On the fated day of Wednesday, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals, with all the gravitas of a nation’s debate over tea preferences, has partially overturned a judgment that Yuga Labs so triumphantly heralded in its lawsuit against the glittering pair, Mr. Ryder Ripps and Mr. Jeremy Cahen.

Yet, amidst this gloom, a voice cries out from the wilderness! Market analyst Ali Martinez, with the zeal of a prophet, declares: “Buy XRP Now!” For lo, the TD Sequential indicator—that mystical oracle of the charts—has flashed its sacred signal. A short-term rebound, perhaps? Or merely a cruel jest of the gods? 🤔

Like clockwork, just as the U.S. dignitaries draped themselves in the regalia of digital asset legislation—including the veritable feast of compliance served by the esteemed GENIUS Act—Anchorage Digital, that federally sanctioned crypto citadel, has declared a strategic partnership with Ethena Labs to gallivant into the brave new world of U.S.-compliant USDtb stablecoin.

This calamitous collapse coincided, rather poetically, with the SHIB burn rate plummeting faster than a lead balloon. According to an update on X (formerly Twitter) from the ever-dramatic Shibburn account, the number of tokens sent to the fiery abyss dropped by a staggering 93.93%. Truly, it was as if the gods of blockchain themselves had turned their backs on this once-beloved memecoin. The result? A fall from grace—from a weeklong high of $0.00001594 to a pitiful low of $0.00001304. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! 📉🔥

Senator Bill Hagerty’s bipartisan bill didn’t just sail through U.S Congress. It had to break through a blockade from conservative Republicans and win over skeptical Democrats. The deal was finally sealed by beefing up consumer protections and cleverly tacking on language from the “Anti-CBDC Surveillance State Act” to a vital defense bill. 🧩⚔️