In a move that surprised absolutely no one who’s been paying attention to the increasingly bizarre world of DeFi, Chainlink has decided to bring Atlas in-house. This means the oracle network now has direct control over the infrastructure used to capture liquidation value, which is a bit like giving a hoarder the keys to a storage unit full of slightly damaged furniture.
In a move that screams “we’re not just here to make blockchain, we’re here to make history,” the Cardano Foundation has decided to spread the ADA love to 11 lucky DReps. Why? Because nothing says “community-driven” like handing over the keys to the kingdom. Or, you know, 220 million ADA. Same difference.
In the annals of bureaucratic misadventure, few tales rival the recent debacle of the Gwangju District Prosecutors’ Office. Tasked with safeguarding 70 billion won ($48 million) in Bitcoin-seized, no less, from the shadowy denizens of criminal underworlds-they instead surrendered it to the digital equivalent of a con artist wielding a phishing email. One might almost admire the efficiency of it all, were it not so profoundly absurd.
According to the report, Cathie Wood’s latest outlook goes beyond simple growth expectations. One might wonder, is this not the same as every other report? Yet, here we are, clinging to the hope that the future is a clean slate.
In an announcement that surely rocked the very foundations of altruism, Tether, the proud creator of USDT, has declared its noble intention to magnify its financial and operational camaraderie with the illustrious International Association of Internet Hotlines (INHOPE). This grand initiative endeavors to combat the vile scourge of online child sexual abuse material (CSAM). As a diamond-level benefactor-because why settle for less?-Tether shall shower long-term funding and wisdom upon INHOPE’s extensive network of 57 hotlines spanning 52 nations.
On January 22, Ethereum was trading around $3,003, up roughly 1.3% over 24 hours. The rebound, a mere flicker of hope in the crypto dark, came after ETH dropped nearly 13% between January 19 and 21, touching the $2,900 area for the first time in four weeks. One might say the market is as fickle as a Victorian debutante, now alluring, now aloof.
Now we’re stuck in this range-bound market with a slight bearish tilt. Support levels are being tested more than your patience during a long family dinner. If we’re lucky, we’ll see a higher-low scenario; if not, get ready for a plunge-it’s like waiting for the punchline of a bad joke that never comes.
Axie Infinity’s [AXS] recent sprint, a desperate attempt to outrun September’s ghosts, had many a holder clutching their wallets with the urgency of a man about to propose. Yet, the momentum, that fickle lover, now hinted at exhaustion, its breath hot on the neck of the bulls. One might say it was a dance of two steps forward and one step into a ditch.
The sell-off, once a timid whisper of post-holiday caution, now roared like a Cossack horde. Investors, with the grace of a drunkard fleeing a wedding, abandoned ship. The crypto ETFs, poor darlings, were left gasping in the wake of this financial tempest.
Lo, the whale (0x2d0…9f7bB), a specter of unbridled greed, first spewed 210.365 billion SHIB tokens, a sum worth $1.63 million, into the maw of Robinhood. These tokens, a staggering 97% of his hoard, now lie scattered like ashes in the wind. And yet, he did not cease. Further, he sent 1.52 billion to Robinhood and 7 billion to B2C2 Group, a cryptic OTC dance that bodes ill for the coin’s soul. The Shiba Inu, once a beacon of mirth, now weeps with a 7% decline, its tears spilling over the edge of yesterday’s abyss.