Cryptonews

Crypto is so unthinkably huge these days, a nearly $4 trillion industry that’s aiming for world domination-though I’m not sure if it’s the industry or the investors who are the ones doing the dominating. 🌍💥

The SARB has released a position paper – a document of such gravity it surely weighs several kilograms – detailing their findings. Years of toil, stakeholder consultations that undoubtedly involved many biscuits, and now… a polite shelving of the retail CBDC. They will, instead, focus on improving the existing payment systems. A sensible decision, one might argue, if one were feeling particularly charitable.

November 28, 2025 06:06:22 UTC (or thereabouts. Time is, after all, a construct.)

This week’s shindig is twice as spicy as last week’s $6 billion soiree, thanks to the monthly rollover of October contracts. Traders, hold your horses! The Max Pain Point (a sinister little number) and positioning could send Bitcoin and Ethereum on a rollercoaster ride. Buckle up, knuckleheads. 🎢

The good DOGE, in an inspired series of maneuvers mirroring its confrères Bitcoin and Ethereum, embarked on an ascent after its recovery above $0.1450. With a Herculean effort, our coin breached the $0.150 resistance and thus entered the hallowed “positive zone.”

Fear not, dear depositors! You’ll get your money back via a shiny new smart contract currently under audit. The team promises your contributions “will not be forgotten.” Because, you know, they totally remembered them the first time. 😅💾

In a post on X (formerly Twitter, but let’s face it, who’s keeping track anymore?), Buterin declared that both apps are working tirelessly to keep things decentralized and user-protected. They’re not using phone numbers, because apparently, the world is now allergic to phone numbers. Plus, they’re tackling “multi-device support” and “resistance to Sybil attacks”-whatever those are. Sounds fancy, right? Buterin’s message: ‘Help us, developers, you’re our only hope!’ He added that while the platforms aren’t perfect, they’re making real strides. And who doesn’t love an underdog story?

And wouldn’t you know it, volume’s picking up too. Over $21.2 billion traded in the past day alone – that’s some serious coin, folks! Some folks think this could be a sign of a new trend emerging, but as always, let’s hold off on printing the victory flags until we get some confirmation. A trend doesn’t start just because you bought a shiny new pair of shoes, right?

But wait, there’s more! Nearly half of these deposits-yes, 45%-were shopping sprees of 100 BTC or more, because what’s life without a little excess? In a single day, transfers reaching 7,000 BTC strutted into exchanges like a bad actor crashing a fancy banquet. Meanwhile, the average deposit shot up to 1.23 BTC in November-talk about a monthly record! Clearly, these are no casual moves; they’re orchestrating a grand relay race toward the market’s exit door.

Apparently, Bitcoin’s under more pressure than a dwarf in a bounce house. One self-proclaimed oracle claims the bull’s had its last moo. 🥩