August 2025 – They say everything in Moscow happens slowly, except perhaps a man falling in love or Ethereum pushing numbers. Today, the Ethereum network bustles with more activity than Pavel Ivanovich after three glasses of vodka, hitting a record 1.875 million transactions in a single day. 📈 Is it progress, or merely the feverish … Read more
According to them smarty-pants at crypto.news, Chainlink (LINK) shot up to $24.28 on Wednesday, Aug. 13, Asian time. That’s a 50% weekly gain and a whopping 123% from its low point this year. Market cap’s sittin’ pretty at $16.4 billion – that’s more than a hill of beans! 🌟
But lo! It stands on the precipice of yet another triumph, poised to surpass the American pharmaceutical behemoth, Eli Lilly. One can only imagine the boardroom meetings at Eli Lilly, where the executives must be pondering their next move-perhaps a new line of anti-crypto anxiety medication? 💊
The witty curmudgeon Santiment, with an eye sharper than a falcon, has observed the puzzlements of small traders who, in disbelief, scatter their coins like fools at a masquerade. Amidst this great carnival of skepticism, the grand whales surf the tumult of the sea, seizing these precious coins from the hands of starry-eyed plebeians. 🌊🦈
[Oh, hear the grandiose thump!] The enterprise reported $658M in revenue for Quarter Two; alas, the mirage of prosperity was overshadowed by a $482M loss, a ghostly reflection of IPO-related spending. 🐉
This metric, which is basically Bitcoin’s ego, has been on a downward spiral since Ether decided to stop being a wallflower. 🧠 Since then, it’s dropped 10%, sparking whispers of “altseason” like it’s a secret society. 🕵️♀️
Now, this ETF is-allegedly-backed by actual bitcoin. Not futures, not IOUs scribbled on a napkin, but the real thing! 🙌 And here’s the kicker: you don’t even need to understand how a digital wallet works! Just throw money at it, and voilà-you’re cryptofied. 🚀
“One might say the market is a ballet of disbelief,” Santiment mused on X, noting that bearish whispers outnumber bullish shouts like a Russian winter outlasts summer. The traders, it seems, are dancing to a tune they cannot hear, their movements dictated by panic rather than logic. 🤯
Pantera’s DAT portfolio includes investments in everything from the underwater-basket-case-turned-classy-cryptos such as BitMine Immersion, Twenty One Capital (because numbering things is so last century), DeFi Development Corp, to the gaming-adventure-possibly-highly-addictive SharpLink Gaming. Alongside these daring ventures are Satsuma Technology, Verb Technology Company, CEA Industries, and Mill City Ventures III-because why not have a few more names to forget at the pub?
But then, as if on cue, it starts tripping over its shoelaces. At the time of writing-don’t ask me what that “writing” thing is-it’s hanging at $3.17, which is a measly 1.2% drop from its recent high of roughly $3.22 in the past day.
