Ethereum’s Magical MACD Crossover: Will It Summon $8K Dragons? 🐉💸

The setup is so suspiciously promising, one might think Ethereum’s been secretly brewing a potion in its blockchain cauldron. Javon Marks, our crypto sage, claims this crossover could kick off a rally that stretches until 2026, because why not? Time is just a suggestion in the world of decentralized magic. 🕰️

Ripple CEO: Crypto Saved Your Wallet? 🎉🤑

In a post on X (formerly known as Twitter, because why not rename everything these days?), Garlinghouse pointed out that financial services costs have dropped by 3.5%. His hot take? It’s all thanks to the Trump administration’s crypto-friendly policies. 🏦✨ Apparently, making crypto less of a regulatory minefield has made financial services cheaper. Who’d have thought? Not me, that’s for sure. I was too busy trying to figure out if my toaster is secretly mining Ethereum.

Cryptocurrency Scammer Gets 3 Years: A Tale of Greed, Lies, and Digital Dust 🤑💸

Federal authorities in Utah, that grand stage of moral theatre, have sentenced a man to prison for a fraud scheme involving cryptocurrency and illegal cash transfers. Prosecutors, ever the drama queens, claim the case involved millions in losses and exposed the “ongoing risks” of crypto-related crime. One might say the real crime is trusting anyone with a LinkedIn profile claiming to be a “digital asset wizard.”

Ten Billion Swaps Revealed: The Quiet Engine Behind Crypto’s Boom

Coinspeaker pulled the ledger from Dune Analytics on January 16, recording the milestone. Since its birth, NEAR Intents has ferried through 15.7 million swaps and wrung more than $17 million in fees, the bulk arriving in the second half of 2025, like a late but generous paycheck from a distant bureaucratic god. 💰

Wall Street Loses Faith in Bitcoin-And the World Keeps Spinning

In the shadowy corridors of high finance, a peculiar change has taken place. Christopher Wood, renowned as Wall Street’s favorite oracle and boss of equity strategies at Jefferies, has decided that Bitcoin no longer belongs in his cherished model portfolio. This is akin to a chef suddenly rejecting salt-unexpected and perhaps a sign of impending disaster.