Behold! The great Trump, in a stroke of his quill, hath pardoned Changpeng Zhao! 🖋️✨ Lo, the legal tempest that loomed o’er Binance’s founder hath vanished, and the market, ever fickle, doth rejoice! $BNB, like a phoenix, soars past the $1.1K mark! 🦅💸
Slated to debut in H1 2026 (mark your calendars, folks!), this financial chimera promises to marry self-sovereign custody with bank-grade lending terms. Flexible drawdowns? Check. Distributed key control? Double-check. Available to all Sygnum customers, no matter where they’re hiding their treasure maps. 🗺️ Debifi, ever the institutional whisperer, claims this is the answer to the market’s prayers for non-custodial bitcoin lending. Pricing and partner details? As elusive as a unicorn, but we’ll keep our eyes peeled. 🦄
Word around the campfire is that this new scheme will be rolled out all over the globe, with some third-party safe-keeping folks holdin’ the assets like a hen guards her eggs. And folks thought the banksters would never warm up to the idea-yet here we are, folks, a crypto rodeo at JPM.
Meanwhile, the grand old Bitcoin shuffled along at a dizzying $109,406-after flirting with the depths at $104,700 earlier this week-while Ethereum strutted its stuff around $3,812, selling over $17 billion in daily escapades. The dog coin, Dogecoin, like a stubborn terrier, held its ground at $0.171, with a modest rise of 1.9% in a single day, a valuation of $24.6 billion that places it comfortably in the realm of the top nine. That’s a lot of digital dog treats, if you ask me.
The noble Bitcoin, which once danced so merrily, now finds itself engaged in a most unseemly decline, reminiscent of the tragic year of 2013.
On the fateful day of October 22, the Canadian authorities, with the solemnity of a priest anointing a sinner, declared that Cryptomus, a Vancouver-based digital mausoleum, had breached the sacred laws of anti-money laundering and counter-terrorist financing. The exchange, it seems, had failed to report a veritable horde of 1,000 suspicious transactions, a number so staggering it could fill the halls of a cathedral with the echoes of moral decay. And yet, this was but the beginning of a tale darker than the depths of the Mariana Trench.
Among these crowds of eager pioneers, there were those who had been plugging away at their computers, the lungs heaving while they waited to hear about their verification-their golden ticket. Some waited weeks, some more, only to be met with the cold shoulder of rejection. The internet isn’t kind, as you know, and here they were, shouting into the void about their woes. Now, in a beautifully orchestrated twist, the bright folks at Pi Network have come out of the shadows with an update, shedding light on the treacherous, twisting path to KYC paradise.
The total crypto market cap-our favorite economic parlor trick-rose 1.7% to $3.8 trillion. Bitcoin, ever the drama queen, pranced back to $111,353 (+2.1%). Ethereum hovered at $3,948 (+3.1%), BNB pirouetted to $1,136 (+4.4%), and XRP tip-toed up 1.7% to $2.42. Truly, a spectacle.
Striking back triumphantly after reclaiming a haphazard obstacle known as the 61.8% Fibonacci level at $35.84, Hyperliquid began showing signs of valor that would shame even the most illustrious of Russian matadors, especially amid the unpredictable swings of this cryptic orchestra. Ample volume spikes anticipated celebration for upcoming galas of corporate events-a peculiar blend of equities and exotica.
Once revered by over 250,000 users, Fortress strutted into the scene as Ripple’s hopeful bride, only to end up scarred and on the chopping block after a botched €15 million security booby trap in 2023. Now Nevada’s regulators, tired of the same old song about asset mismatches and cowboy bookkeeping, have slapped a cease-and-desist order on Fortress, freezing its assets faster than you can say “solvency.”
