Cryptonews

The Friday filing reveals that Harvard’s $117 million investment in IBIT secures its place as the university’s fifth-largest investment. This clever maneuver places the IBIT investment comfortably ahead of the Ivy League’s modest $114 million stake in Alphabet, the parent company of Google. In a twist that might make even the most stoic of academics chuckle, Harvard’s largest investment for Q1, 2025, was in Microsoft, totaling a robust $310 million. 🖥️

The market, ever a stage of folly and wisdom, is abuzz with whispers. Some proclaim this the dawn of a historic ascent to $12,000, while others, with furrowed brows, warn of a bear trap so brutal it would make Tartuffe blush. 🌋

Tokenization? More like “toke-ni-zation”! The buzzword is so hot it needed sunscreen. In today’s episode of “As the Blockchain Turns,” Exodus-yes, the wallet your cousin Dave brags about-has locked arms with Superstate. What for? To slap Exodus shares on-chain faster than you can say “Why is this night different from all other nights?” 🤦‍♂️

According to CEO Kevin Chin (a name that sounds like it belongs to a Bond villain or perhaps an avant-garde fashion designer), this “dual approach” aims to maximize returns while lowering the average cost of acquiring XRP tokens. Bravo, sir! It’s almost as if you’ve discovered the holy grail of financial alchemy-though I suspect your shareholders may require more than just clever phrasing to be fully convinced. 😉

Yes, you heard that right. A whopping $1.5 billion. For context, that’s enough money to buy several small islands, fund a space mission to Mars, or pay off your student loans while still having enough left over for a lifetime supply of nachos 🧈. But no, this cash is destined to prop up what can only be described as “crypto chaos meets political theater.” According to whispers from Bloomberg, big-money tech and crypto investors are being courted faster than you can say “blockchain.”

After nearly five long years of legal bouncing, the two titans finally kissed and made up-well, sort of. They settled for a cool $125 million, and Ripple got some restrictions on its “fancy institutional sales.” Think of it as Ripple getting a timeout-but with a billion dollars in its pocket. 💰

Hayes, who last week lamented tariffs and frail job numbers the way a moth laments porch-lights, now clutches $4,200-per-ETH petals to his bosom, announcing, “Had to buy it all back.” Translation: “I miscalculated my own melodrama.” The audience applauds-and some even throw tomatoes denominated in PEPE and ENA.

Investors, ever the optimists (or perhaps just gamblers), were thrilled by this audacious leap into uncharted waters. VivoPower’s shares skyrocketed by 32.12% to $5.10, proving once again that people love a good underdog story-or maybe they just really wanted an excuse to meme about solar-powered cryptos 🌞. Kevin Chin, the Executive Chairman and CEO of VivoPower, waxed poetic about how this aligns with their vision of “building a sustainable, long-term treasury model.” Sure, Kevin, we’ll believe it when your solar panels start mining Bitcoin.

In a stroke of genius-or perhaps madness-Saylor has conjured an image, courtesy of an AI tool, where he stands as the dashing Indiana Jones. Picture this: our hero, Saylor-Jones, amidst the crumbling walls of a temple in South America, reminiscent of the opening scenes from the legendary “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” Who knew Bitcoin could be so adventurous? 🏺💰

Imagine it: the Trump dynasty, kings and jesters of the financial labyrinth, are leaning on crypto and tech barons, seeking a treasury fit for today’s age-where the only thing that multiplies faster than coins is political intrigue. Bloomberg, dressed as an overzealous ice cream vendor, whispers that the deal is simmering, bubbling, nearly ready to burst from the financial samovar. 🍵