Cryptonews

With €3 million already invested in Bitcoin and dreams of hoarding over 10,000 BTC by 2027, Aifinyo is transforming its balance sheet into what it calls a “Bitcoin-first capital structure.” 🏦🔮 Backed by another €3 million from UTXO Management, the company plans to funnel future profits from its digital payments and financing business into more Bitcoin. Because, as we all know, nothing says “financial stability” like a currency that swings more wildly than a Russian nobleman’s emotions.

CryptoQuant, that most astute of observers, reveals a tale of whaleish intrigue! Since October’s dawn, our aquatic titans have flooded Binance with deposits, their movements as theatrical as a Molière farce. From the 1st to the 17th, these leviathans performed their aquatic ballet, depositing fortunes with the flair of a Parisian cabaret. Such grandeur, one must ask, heralds a feast of profits or a masquerade of risk?

Nailwal’s basically saying, “I’ve been a good little builder, but Ethereum’s been a bad little community.” He cites friends like AkshayBD, who’s probably sipping coconut water on a Solana beach, whispering, “Just declare Polygon an L1 and walk away from this circus.” And honestly? I’m here for it. Why suffer for love? If Ethereum’s culture is “socialistic” enough to troll you for technical definitions, maybe it’s time to start your own reality show.

Solana’s twin dips below $180, twin peaks of despair and hope, whisper of a rendezvous with $250.

According to the Wall Street Journal (you know, the folks who still think crypto is just for nerds and drug dealers), Coinbase is shelling out $375 million for Echo. Why? Because Echo’s tech lets crypto startups raise money directly on-chain, which is basically like crowdfunding but with more blockchain and fewer Kickstarter rewards. 🎉

Who needs spot trading when you can have futures, right? Futures dominated BTCC’s entire ecosystem this quarter with a solid $1.03 trillion in volume. That’s a lot of zeros. Meanwhile, spot trading brought in a cool $124 billion-basically pocket change for them. They’ve also boosted their Risk Reserve Fund by $2.4 million, because why not make sure you’re extra prepared for the inevitable ‘I just lost my crypto!’ moment? 🙃

The restructuring, filed under the UK Companies Act, reveals that Growler will convert $7.5 million in secured loans and provide fresh funds, all for the privilege of controlling Argo’s recapitalized equity. Bondholders, those poor souls, will collectively receive 10%, while current shareholders are left to ponder their misfortune. 🥴 This court-supervised charade, dubbed Project Triumph, aims to stave off insolvency and preserve Argo’s Nasdaq listing. A triumph, indeed-for Growler. 🎭

Solana Company, previously known as Helius Medical Technologies-because who doesn’t love a little rebranding for fun-has announced it will go ahead with the resale registration. That’s the nifty little trick that lets early investors unload their restricted shares onto the unsuspecting public. According to the company, this is “playing offense”-because, of course, who needs a defensive strategy when you can just barrel ahead with a slash-and-burn approach?

1️⃣ 🐶 $FLOKI jumped 15% on Monday after Elon Musk’s AI-generated video featuring his pet dog, Floki, went viral. Because nothing says “investment” like a dog in glasses. 🧍‍♂️

XRP just executed a technical breakdown so dramatic it made the 50-day moving average cry into its gluten-free granola. 💔 Traded at $2.1842 now, which is basically the crypto equivalent of “I’ll have a large pizza and a side of existential dread.” Short-term support? Gone. Confidence? Vanished. This is what happens when bulls get a panic attack and bears start a conga line. 🕺