Ah, Satsuma (LSE: SATS), the darling of decentralized artificial intelligence (AI) and bitcoin-native treasury management, has closed its fundraising on July 28, 2025, with a flourish. The goal? A modest £100 million. The result? A 63.66% oversubscription, as if the City itself conspired to shower them with gold. 🌟💰
In a post on X (formerly Twitter, because apparently even social media needs a glow-up), Ardoino shared data so riveting it could make even the most stoic blockchain enthusiast weep with joy-or despair, depending on their portfolio. Transfer fees, for those uninitiated in the art of blockchain economics, are the sacrificial offerings users must make to validators in exchange for their transactions being processed. Think of it as tipping a barista, except the barista is a decentralized network and the coffee is… well, questionable at best.
After a brief moment of glory above $3.10, XRP has decided to play hard to get and has dropped back down. It broke a crucial bullish trend line at $3.060-because why not add a little drama? The TradingView data is showing that XRP is currently below the 100-hour simple moving average (SMA), which basically means the short-term momentum has flipped negative. Talk about a mood swing! 😩
Imagine a chart, fiery and fervent, that stoked the flames of fervor on social media-an axe ready to chop down the mighty figure of American Bitcoin dominion, whispering, “By 2025, nearly 40% of all Bitcoin shall belong to the U.S.” But beware, for such visions are often but illusions spun by the grand puppeteers of hysteria.
Here’s the tea: the split between Bitcoin and Ether ETFs got even more dramatic on August 5. Bitcoin funds dumped a staggering $196.18 million-probably because HODLers are busy trying to remember what they bought last night-while Ether ETFs waltzed in with a siren call and grabbed $73.22 million. Honestly, it’s like watching a soap opera, with investors switching spots faster than they change outfits at a fashion show.
Major culprits in Bitcoin’s heartbreak included Fidelity’s FBTC, which shed $99.11 million, and Blackrock’s IBIT, which took a hit of $77.42 million-because who needs that much fame? Grayscale’s GBTC also bowed out with $19.65 million-maybe it’s just not their scene anymore. Despite all this drama, trading was still buzzing at $2.66 billion-probably trying to drown out the chaos-and total Bitcoin ETF assets slipped to $146.18 billion, which, let’s face it, is still a lot of zeros in a row.
After a swift upward gust, the market’s been doing a kind of ‘wait and see’ dance, with analysts eyeing a rather specific number: $10.84. Think of it as the crypto equivalent of trying to guess if the elevator will go up or down-sort of a coin flip, but with more zeros.
For the truly curious, Zebec Network’s token reached an astonishing intraday high of $0.0059, marking an increase of a whopping 630% from its lowest point this year. If that’s not impressive, I don’t know what is. At this rate, its market capitalization is fast approaching the $500 million mark, and I’m sure the investors are already popping open their champagne.
Bitcoin Indonesia’s proposal boasts-surely with a twinkle in their eye-that mining Bitcoin could fuel long-term economic strength, making the country the new crypto superpower. They intend to harness their natural resources more efficiently than Big Oil ever dreamed of-talk about a power move!⚡
In a Kafkaesque twist of irony, Armstrong credited this spectacular rating to the tireless efforts of Coinbase’s customer experience team. Can you imagine those poor souls, tucked away in their cubicles, powers caffeinated, endlessly resolving customer woes? Now that sounds like an exciting Friday night! 💪☕
