According to the esteemed crypto.news, Pepe (PEPE) coin plummeted to a 6-month low of $0.0000063 on Friday, Oct. 17, before managing a feeble recovery to $0.0000072 at the time of this writing. At this price, the altcoin is down 40% from its September peak, a most grievous loss, and has plunged nearly 66% from its highest point earlier this year, a calamity of epic proportions. 📉
Ripple, that ever-theatrical maestro of finance, has recently procured a staggering $1 billion from GTreasury, a move Bloomberg quaintly dubs a “hoard.” 💸🎩 One imagines traders, huddled in dimly lit chatrooms, whispering prophecies of a price surge, their eyes aglow with the fervor of lottery hopefuls. 🙈
Consider, dear reader, the plight of the casual investor, the frenzied trader, or the DeFi enthusiast-a trifecta of modern existential despair. Hours lost, souls crushed, errors multiplied like locusts upon the land! Yet fear not, for salvation (or at least marginally improved spreadsheet hygiene) awaits in the form of automated tools. Proceed, then, as we dissect these so-called “saviors” with the rigor of a 19th-century philosopher trapped in a blockchain fever dream.
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Shh, don’t tell anyone, but crypto wizard Lingrid is spilling the beans: XRP is squirming under a mountain of bearish pressure, trapped in this sad little downward channel like a hamster on a treadmill. It got all hopeful near $2.44, only to get slapped down-rejected harder than me at karaoke night. Now it’s all lower highs and lower lows, as if the sellers are throwing a pity party and forgot to invite the bulls 😂.
According to the blog post (read: a scroll penned by scribes in hoodies), GKR skips the tedious ritual of scrutinizing every calculation. It gazes only at the inputs and outputs, like a jester who ignores the choreography of a dance and declares, “Behold! The finale is grand!” This, they claim, reduces the “extra calculations” of yore-those pesky steps that once required more coffee than a Parisian café could brew. 🫧
“Every time Bitcoin goes zoomy-zoom 🚀, Dogecoin grows a sneaky little smirk,” he winks, “but here’s the kicker: No all-time high yet. Just a bunch of grumpy bears gnashing their teeth!” According to this wizard, once Doge decides to moonwalk its way to glory, Bitcoin’s going to do the cha-cha so hard it’ll make your grandma’s wig spin. And no, he’s not buying the “this time is different” flimflam. “Different? Ha! I’ve seen more different things in a licorice factory!”
In his ever-eloquent musings, Kiyosaki laments the state of the global monetary system. Apparently, it’s not just broken-it’s downright corrupt! But fear not, dear reader, because Kiyosaki has a solution for you: dump your government-issued paper (aka “fake” money) and invest in assets like gold, silver, Bitcoin, and Ethereum. Why? Because according to Kiyosaki, those are the real assets. Forget about those pesky things like, you know, actual currency or investing in your future by saving! 🙄
The Financial Times, ever the bard of modern capitalism, reported that these firms were gently (but firmly) advised by Beijing’s regulatory heavy hitters-the People’s Bank of China and the Cyberspace Administration-to avoid playing “musical chairs with the money supply.” Apparently, letting private coins jingle in the digital yuan’s pocket was about as welcome as a rogue firework at a gunpowder factory.
Well, only if miracles exist and altcoins suddenly develop backbone. A volume surge above average levels might spark hope-like a chandelier flickering in a haunted ballroom. But with altcoin sentiment lying flatter than a crushed martini olive, optimism requires either courage or poor eyesight. 🫒👀