Cryptonews

To gauge gold’s mettle, one might compare it to the M2 money supply, that most estimable measure of circulation (cash, checking deposits, savings accounts-oh, the trifles!).

The Financial Stability Board (FSB)-funded by the *mysterious* Bank for International Settlements (BIS)-has pointed out that there are some pretty glaring gaps in the way governments are dealing with cryptocurrencies. Shocking, I know. 🧐

Well, Metaplanet, based in Tokyo (because where else do you expect these crypto geniuses to come from?), is having a bit of a moment. Their stock has plummeted faster than a crypto hype train, but luckily, their Bitcoin reserves are still stacked like a Tokyo skyscraper. Oh, and they’re trying to grow that pile without diluting their stock, which, let’s face it, is like trying to get rich without buying the lottery tickets. 🍀

Bitcoin dropped below $106,000 in early European hours Friday as leveraged traders once again faced heavy losses, with nearly $1.2 billion in crypto positions wiped out over the past 24 hours. 🎩💣

This isn’t just a glitch; it’s a masterclass in how to accidentally rewrite the global economy. If only they’d done it on purpose. “Oops, sorry, here’s your 300T,” said the universe, “but also here’s a 30,000% inflation rate. You’re welcome.”

Bloomberg, the bard of Wall Street’s fever dreams, claims Ripple will toss some of its *own* XRP into this digital vault. Bold move for a company sitting on 4.74 billion tokens-roughly $11 billion worth-while another 36 billion rot in escrow. A monopoly? No, just “strategic abundance” 😏.

Well, if you’re a long trader, maybe! Looks like there’s a strong bearish grip! 🐻

The latest act? VanEck, bless their hearts, filed for an Ethereum staking ETF because nothing says “trust us” like a Delaware statutory trust registered on October 2nd-right between National Taco Day and the inevitable collapse of the US government. 🎪

Matt Mena, 21Shares’ crypto oracle, thinks ETF inflows and “ruinously generous” fiat policy could stop Bitcoin from hitting the floor (literally). Thanks, Matt, for the confidence boost. 🙏

These audacious campaigns are not merely aiming to pilfer cryptocurrency (isn’t it adorable how they think they can outsmart a technologically savvy world?), but they are also cozying up to networks like they’re attending the latest hip party, all while carefully avoiding detection through what can only be described as “sophisticated job recruitment scams”-an effort that would secure them positions in any Shakespearean drama! 🎭