Cryptonews

Matt Mena, 21Shares’ crypto oracle, thinks ETF inflows and “ruinously generous” fiat policy could stop Bitcoin from hitting the floor (literally). Thanks, Matt, for the confidence boost. 🙏

These audacious campaigns are not merely aiming to pilfer cryptocurrency (isn’t it adorable how they think they can outsmart a technologically savvy world?), but they are also cozying up to networks like they’re attending the latest hip party, all while carefully avoiding detection through what can only be described as “sophisticated job recruitment scams”-an effort that would secure them positions in any Shakespearean drama! 🎭

Despite the chaos, some brave souls decided to buy-spot inflows swelled by $13.7 million. The MFI lingered above 50, like a stubborn mule holding its ground, whispering promises of resurgence. Ah, the eternal dance of greed and fear continues-who will emerge victorious?

In a plot twist worthy of a Bollywood blockbuster, Indian crypto exchange Wazirx has officially filed its sanctioned Scheme of Arrangement with the Accounting and Corporate Regulatory Authority (ACRA) in Singapore. That’s right, the paperwork is done, the i’s are dotted, and the t’s are crossed. Or at least, let’s hope they are. 🙏

The indictment against Mr. Zhi, unsealed in Brooklyn – naturally – reveals a positively fiendishly complex international fraud. Thousands of victims, sophisticated scams, shell companies… it’s like a particularly irritating episode of a detective show, only with more cryptocurrency and significantly less charming investigators. They laundered billions, you see. Billions. One wonders what they were planning to *do* with all that money. Fund a particularly ambitious collection of garden gnomes, perhaps?

The Ethereum Foundation (EF), ever the financial romancer, has made a grand onchain gesture, depositing 2,400 ETH and approximately $6 million in stablecoins into Morpho’s yield-bearing vaults. According to their X post, this move underscores EF’s ongoing commitment to advancing open-source and permissionless financial infrastructure within the Ethereum ecosystem-because who needs privacy when you can have transparency? 🤷♂️

The centerpiece of this union is OKX’s collateral mirroring programme, a fancy term for letting institutions park their assets in the vaults of a Global Systemically Important Bank (G-SIB) while they frolic in the digital asset markets. It’s like having your cake and eating it too, though one wonders if the cake is made of blockchain or just frosted with regulatory compliance. 🍰

According to a press release that could’ve been written by a robot (judging by the enthusiasm), they’re focusing on peaq’s “Machine Economy Free Zone” – a fancy sandbox where robots can test their ability to not, like, malfunction or murder humans. Bonus points for compliance!

According to the royal “insider,” Sam’s political views have been all over the map. In 2020, he was all about being center-left, but by 2022, Gensler’s crypto crackdown and the Biden DOJ made him switch sides faster than you change TV channels during commercials. Spoiler alert: he secretly started donating millions to the other guys – the Republicans. Shocking, I know.

He says, “In 2020, I was center-left. By 2022-having seen Gensler/Biden’s crypto raid-I was a centrist, and I secretly sent tens of millions to Republicans.” Just casually handing out millions like it’s Monopoly money. CBS reports he dropped a cool $40 million in 2022, with most of it supporting Democrats, because, why not keep everyone guessing? 😂

Gold’s rally reflects safe-haven demand amid geopolitical tensions, while Bitcoin’s correction stemmed from $9 billion in leveraged liquidations – not fundamental weakness.