Cryptonews

On Tuesday, Representative Downing, flanked by a posse of Republican allies (Donalds, Davidson, Stutzman, Carter, Moore-names that sound like a boy band from the ‘80s), introduced the Retirement Investment Choice Act. This act, one imagines, will be as controversial as a disco ball at a funeral. If passed, it would transform Trump’s executive order into law, giving investors the green light to dance with crypto in their retirement portfolios. One wonders: will this be a tango of triumph or a waltz of woe? 🐉

On the usual social media platform (looks like they’re calling it X now, fancy that), they blurted out that this is “a big step forward in their joint effort” to provide institutional investors with “safe, legal, and effective digital asset solutions.” Well, if you believe that, I’ve got a bridge to sell you in Brooklyn. 🤣

Trading, we are assured, shall commence once the technical flunkeys have finished their tinkering and the market-makers have donned their dancing shoes. A grand occasion, no doubt, though one wonders if the champagne will be of the vintage variety or merely a fizzy impostor. 🍾

Summary

This grand gesture, dripping with the sheen of innovation, cements YZi Labs’ role as the patron saints of blockchain-driven payment whimsy. And BPN? They’re on a noble quest to make global transactions “seamless, secure, and cost-effective.” Noble, indeed-almost as noble as a cat herding its own kind. 🐱 But who are we to judge? Perhaps this is the revolution we’ve been waiting for, or just another shiny distraction in the circus of crypto. 🎪

Our boy, Brad Lynch – VR enthusiast and hardware analyst extraordinaire – shared a screenshot of a livestream featuring the fraudulent token’s “official launch” on the Pump.fun meme coin factory. Yeah, you read that right. It’s called “Pump.fun.” If that doesn’t scream “trustworthy,” I don’t know what does. 🧐

Fintech company Ripple, a titan in the digital frontier, is partnering with security platform Immunefi for an upcoming “Attackathon” event, designed to put a new decentralized finance protocol on the XRPL through rigorous testing. It’s like a rodeo, but the horses are lines of code and the crowd is full of hackers with coffee. ☕

They speak of progress, of unifying liquidity… ha! As if Tether, that shimmering mirage of digital security, suddenly cares for the common man! No, comrades, this is the scent of capital, hot and greasy, moving to where it can squeeze the most juice. They call it “Omnichain,” a grand word for simply shifting the weight of their gold – both real and imagined – onto the backs of the Solana network. $175 billion, they boast? A dizzying sum, enough to buy a small country, or at least a very large yacht for someone important.

Turns out, the big fish (aka whales) and their mid-tier buddies were like, “Oh, ADA’s on sale? Don’t mind if I do!” 🛍️ Meanwhile, the selling pressure took a chill pill, with “spent coin” metrics dropping by 51%. Less selling, more holding-classic whale behavior. And let’s not forget the $0.70-$0.80 band, the VIP section of the ADA price club that everyone’s trying to get into.

Apparently, Eric’s been chatting with some chaps at World Liberty Financial. They’ve come up with this scheme to ‘tokenize’ a building – which sounds suspiciously like chopping it up into a million little pieces, only digitally. They want to let you buy a piece for as little as a grand! A grand! For a fleck of a skyscraper. 🤪