Cryptonews

On a crisp Monday, Verena Ross, the esteemed chair of the European Securities and Markets Authority (ESMA), proclaimed with the gravitas of a Shakespearean protagonist that the regulation of stock exchanges, crypto companies, and clearing houses shall henceforth be the domain of the bloc’s vigilant watchdog. “A capital market in Europe that is more integrated and globally competitive,” she declared, her words dripping with the honey of ambition. 🍯🦅

And get this, their stock’s been on a right rollercoaster, going up over 480% this year! The market, bless its silly heart, seems to think letting people use funny money to buy bricks and mortar is a brilliant idea. Imagine the chaos! 🤪

In its latest weekly report on digital asset fund flows, CoinShares has shared the latest data related to cryptocurrency investment fund netflows for the past week. The investment funds here include not just the US spot exchange-traded funds (ETFs), but also other vehicles like CoinShares’ own XBT Provider, an exchange-traded product (ETP). 🧠

The leviathans of the crypto seas, those sleek, silver-skinned whales, have amassed a treasure trove of 10 billion dollars. Their profits, a double-edged sword-could they be the very harbingers of a market’s sudden whim?

The proposed sanctions would ban EU citizens and organisations from even glancing at A7A5, let alone trading it. According to Bloomberg, this includes indirect glances via intermediaries, which sounds suspiciously like a rule from a 17th-century pirate code. 🏴‍☠️

The grip of the insiders tightens, as if the coins themselves are in chains, their value a mirage conjured by whispers and promises. A 60% hold, a symphony of greed, orchestrated by the same hands that once spun PEPE into a legend. Can one man’s luck last forever, or is this the final act of a tragic farce?

Imagine, if you will, the astonishment that gripped this humble narrator upon learning that Mr. Trump, already the progenitor of a most peculiar “memecoin,” might now grace the currency of a nation. The Treasury, with a solemnity that borders on the absurd, has declared this to be no mere gossip, but a veritable fact. 🤑

BitMine Immersion Technologies, a publicly traded firm with a pleasingly baroque name, has indulged in a spot of Ethereum accumulation. A perfectly reasonable pastime, of course, for those with a penchant for the… speculative. The addition boosts their total holdings to 2.83 million ETH. A princely sum, good for the world’s largest Ethereum repository, which is almost amusingly redundant. 😇

Ondo Finance, in a stroke of masterful strategy, has completed the acquisition of Oasis Pro, a pivotal moment for U.S. crypto finance. With this deal, Ondo now holds SEC-registered licenses as a broker-dealer in digital assets, an alternative trading system (ATS), and a transfer agent. How splendid! This acquisition positions Ondo to develop a fully compliant tokenized securities market, covering real-world asset issuance, secondary trading, private placements, and underwriting. Truly, a feat worthy of the most astute financial minds.

What a week it has been for the crypto faithful, a veritable rollercoaster of emotions as Bitcoin (BTC) waltzes through price zones unknown to mortal men. And lo, alongside this ascent, the BTC prices in South Korea have leaped from the bargain bin of September to the premium pedestal. A miracle, you say? Nay, merely the whims of the crypto gods! 🧙♂️💸