Ah, Sunday! A day for family, feasting, and, apparently, a brand-new crypto ban from China! 🎉 Or was it? Spoiler: It’s probably fake news. Again. 🎬
Enter Kalshi, that cheeky betting chappie over at X (née Twitter), shouting “CRYPTO BANNED!” in all caps louder than a toddler at a nap time protest 🚨. First Squawk joined the chaos like it was Black Friday sales. The headline? A masterpiece of panic: “CAPITAL FLIGHT! ENVIRONMENTAL DOOM!” Views? 800k. Accuracy? Zero. 🤷♂️
Su Zhu, the fellow who once bet the farm on crypto (and lost, oops! 💸), claims his “Chinese sources” are as silent as a library. Meanwhile, Colin Wu, the internet’s favorite crypto detective 🕵️♂️, tweets: “No new bans here. Move along, folks.”
China’s Endless Crypto Ban Circus 🤹
China banning Bitcoin is now the crypto community’s favorite inside joke. It’s like Groundhog Day, but with more blockchain! 🐍
“China: Bans crypto for the 9th time 🎬
Me: 😂”
— Christian Schumach, 2025
Let’s rewind! 2013: China said, “No Bitcoin for banks!” 2017: ICOs and exchanges got the boot. 2021: Mining? Also banned. But here’s the twist: China’s still mining Bitcoin. Like, a lot of it. 🦊
Is There Anything Left TO Ban?
Colin Wu spills the tea: China never actually banned *individual* crypto deals. Mining? Still thriving. Stablecoins? Officials are eyeing them like a kid eyeing candy 🍬. So, what’s next? A ban on blockchain memes? 🤔
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2025-08-03 13:26