Darling, the crypto market has thrown itself off a cliff-how dramatic! A staggering $205 billion has flounced out the door in the last 24 hours, leaving total market capitalization whimpering at a mere $3.84 trillion. How frightfully common.
Oh, but don’t clutch your pearls just yet-it’s still lounging within its six-week sideways channel, like a bored socialite refusing to leave the party. How predictable.
CoinGlass, that ever-so-charming gossip, reports that 205,000 traders were unceremoniously liquidated-$930 million wiped out in a single day! One might call it a leveraged massacre, but really, darling, it’s just Tuesday in crypto. Some say exchanges orchestrated the whole affair to purge those pesky long positions. How Machiavellian.
Today’s delightful little correction-just 9% since August 14-is merely a flesh wound. Hardly worth fainting over. Though, admittedly, it does smart a bit.
Yesterday witnessed one of Bitcoin’s most spectacular long liquidation tantrums since December 2024-over $150M vaporized. How embarrassing.
– glassnode (@glassnode) August 25, 2025
Bitcoin, the Drama Queen
Bitcoin, ever the diva, has dragged the entire market down with her, collapsing to a seven-week low of under $109,000. Early Asian trading? More like early Asian tragedy.
A whale-how gauche-dumped 24,000 BTC ($2.7 billion, if you must know), sending prices tumbling $4,000 in a matter of hours. One wonders if they did it just for the attention.
Glassnode, ever the harbinger of doom, warns that Bitcoin has slipped below the average cost basis of those poor souls who bought in May-July. “Historically,” they tut, “this leads to prolonged weakness.” How cheerful.
The current correction? A mere 12%. Child’s play compared to the 36% and 24% plunges of 2017 and 2021. But if Bitcoin decides to reenact those glory days, we might see $87,000 before the bull market deigns to return. How thrilling.
Altcoins: The Supporting Cast in This Tragedy
As always, the altcoins are suffering so much more. Solana? Down 11%. Dogecoin? A pitiful 10% drop. Cardano? Sliding 9%. Chainlink? Tanking 11%. One might call it a bloodbath-or just another day in crypto.
Ethereum, ever the resilient one, lost a modest 7% but is already flirting with recovery, trading above $4,400 again. Though, let’s not forget-it’s still down 11% from its all-time high two days ago. How fleeting.
“Buying the dip never feels good,” muses Bitwise CIO Matt Hougan. “But darling, discipline is key-write it down if you must.” How practical.
When crypto rallies, everyone claims they’ll buy the dip. When it actually happens? Silence. Fear. Regret. How human.
– Matt Hougan (@Matt_Hougan) August 25, 2025
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2025-08-26 08:16