It was a day like any other, if your days usually involve people arguing about tokens and billionaires gossiping on X rather than telegrams. The Arbitrum token—yes, a mischievous little coin living on Ethereum’s cosseted Layer-2—leaped a full 17% in value. Rumor had it, Robinhood, the people who gave us free trades and existential anxiety, might declare their affection for Arbitrum on Monday. Somewhere, someone surely fainted.
On the eve of momentous news (or yet another fireside chat, which sometimes passes for news in crypto circles), Robinhood shouted on X about how Ethereum’s own Vitalik Buterin, Johann Kerbrat (lord of Robinhood Crypto), and A.J. Warner from that mystical cabal, Offchain Labs, would gather like Russian uncles with strong tea—only with more blockchain jargon—on Monday. Picture a samovar, only it dispenses crypto press releases.
The fireside would flicker at a Robinhood Europe event in Cannes. “Our biggest crypto announcements of the year,” they promised, as if Cannes hadn’t already seen enough drama. People began packing metaphorical suitcases full of speculation (and maybe some vodka).
When Robinhood Gossiped with Arbitrum and Solana (And Everyone Overheard)
Rumors about Robinhood’s blockchain flirtations with both Arbitrum and Solana had already leaked like soup through a holey spoon, courtesy of a May Bloomberg report. Allegedly, Robinhood’s plan was to let Europeans buy American stocks via a new blockchain platform. Some say they were considering both Arbitrum and Solana, but negotiations, it seems, make molasses look fast.
Eric Connor (Ethereum core developer emeritus and, apparently, part-time oracle) tweeted his blessing: “Looks like Robinhood chose Arbitrum.” Official? Of course not. But has that ever stopped crypto from betting the farm? 🐄💰
Dragonfly venture partner Omar Kanji went over the edge: “Pure speculation, but imo Ethereum + Arbitrum + RH only means one thing. Robinhood going to announce its chain tomorrow.” Bold prediction, Omar. What’s next, Robinhood inventing the samovar-chain?
The Market Swoons, Arbitrum Jumps
Whoever said crypto had no drama? ARB, the token that until yesterday lived in quiet mediocrity, became the market’s dashing hero: up 17.1% in twenty-four hours, trading just over 36 cents (the dream of every nickel-and-dime investor). It soared from 31 cents, fluttering upward to 38.6 cents at 10:30 pm UTC, on wings built from pure speculation.
Of course, life is not only upward crescendos, even for crypto. ARB is still lounging about 50% lower than it began the year, clearly reminiscing about those golden days in January when it was worth $2.39. But back then, hope was abundant and everyone believed this time was different. ☕️🙃
Even Robinhood’s Shares Needed a Drink
Feeling left out, Robinhood Markets (HOOD) shares joined the party and ticked up about 1.65% overnight. Because what’s a crypto rally if not an excuse for everything else to rally too? Friday’s $83.03 was just too passé; now, it’s $84.26 in after-hours trading. If you listen closely, you can almost hear traders clinking glasses, praying the big announcement is more than just Vitalik’s new haircut.
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2025-06-30 06:23