When honesty is scarce, fraud thrives-especially in the glittering world of crypto.
Federal authorities in Utah, that grand stage of moral theatre, have sentenced a man to prison for a fraud scheme involving cryptocurrency and illegal cash transfers. Prosecutors, ever the drama queens, claim the case involved millions in losses and exposed the “ongoing risks” of crypto-related crime. One might say the real crime is trusting anyone with a LinkedIn profile claiming to be a “digital asset wizard.”
Brian Garry Sewell, 54, now enjoys a 36-month holiday in the land of enforced introspection, followed by three years of supervised release. Investigators, with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, revealed he scammed investors out of $2.9 million. At least 17 victims, presumably now experts in the art of regret, were ensnared over several years. A veritable masterclass in betrayal.
Between December 2017 and April 2024, Sewell, a man who clearly mistook “confidence” for “competence,” promised high returns on investments. Prosecutors, with the grace of a scolding schoolmarm, noted he lied through his teeth and spent the money on things like not retiring early. His side hustle? Running Rockwell Capital Management, a business that converted $5.4 million in bulk cash to crypto for clients. Spoiler: many of those clients were involved in drug trafficking. One can only imagine the tea parties they hosted.
Sewell also neglected to register his business, a move as wise as wearing a neon sign that reads “I’m a criminal.” Federal officials, ever the sticklers for rules, noted he charged transaction fees while ignoring anti-money laundering laws. All in good fun, no doubt.
Judge Ann Marie McIff Allen, with the solemnity of a Victorian funeral, ordered Sewell to pay $3.6 million in restitution. Additional funds will be sent to the Department of Homeland Security. One wonders if they’ll use it to fund a new line of “trust me” sweaters.
FBI Agent Robert Bohls, a man who clearly believes in the power of hope, stated Sewell left families in financial ruin. Prosecutors, with the dramatic flair of a Shakespearean villain, emphasized that Sewell’s “false claims of expertise” were the key to his success. A reminder that lies, when dressed in jargon, can be as convincing as a used car salesman in a tuxedo.
Crypto-related crime in 2025, a year that will live in infamy, saw illicit addresses receive $154 billion. A 162% increase from 2024, thanks in part to state-linked actors who treat crypto like Monopoly money. North Korea, Russia, Iran, and China’s money launderers all contributed to this delightful potluck of chaos.
Chainalysis, the oracle of blockchain data, reported that North Korean hackers stole $2 billion. Meanwhile, a February exploit at Bybit resulted in a $1.5 billion heist-the largest digital heist in crypto history. One can only assume the hackers celebrated with a virtual champagne toast. 🥂
Image by Bermix Studio from Unsplash
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2026-01-16 23:45