If there’s one thing the French excel at, it’s turning a simple loaf of bread into a philosophical debate. Today, they’re applying the same logic to Bitcoin. Éric Ciotti, a man whose political party (Union of Rights for the Republic) sounds like it was ripped from the pages of a bureaucratic fantasy novel, has proposed a bill that would turn France into a crypto utopia-or at least a very confused one.
According to the bill, France will now embrace Bitcoin with the enthusiasm of a toddler in a candy store. The goal? To “protect financial independence” and “lead Europe’s blockchain revolution.” Let me translate: they want to avoid looking like the last person at the office party still using a flip phone. The plan includes hoarding 2% of Bitcoin’s total supply-about 420,000 BTC-to create what they’re calling “national digital gold.” If I had 420,000 BTC, I’d probably just buy a yacht and pretend I’m not a failure. But hey, to each their own.
🟥 Exclusive @TheBigWhale_
France’s pro-crypto bill is here! 🎉 Led by @eciotti and @partiudr, this is the first time France has gone full crypto-obsessed. 🇫🇷
Highlights: Bitcoin reserves, stablecoins, and a side of nuclear-powered mining. 🚨
– Grégory Raymond 🐳 (@gregory_raymond) October 28, 2025
The bill also suggests using France’s surplus nuclear energy to mine Bitcoin. Because why let all that radiation go to waste? They’ll also be letting citizens pay taxes in BTC, though whether that’s a feature or a cry for help remains to be seen. Meanwhile, €15 million from savings accounts will be funneled into Bitcoin daily. If I were a euro, I’d be panicking right now.
Stablecoins and the Art of Pretending You’re Not Broke
France’s stab at stablecoins involves letting people spend €200 daily without taxes. It’s like getting a coupon for life’s little indulgences, as long as you’re willing to dance to the tune of algorithmic stability. They also want to ditch the EU’s MiCA rules and say no to a centralized digital euro. Because nothing says “financial innovation” like stubbornness.
Ciotti argues that Bitcoin mining is “value-creating,” which is generous if you ignore the fact that it requires more electricity than a thousand hairdryers. The UDR, with its 16 parliamentary seats, now wants to convince France’s 577-something-else members that this is a good idea. Good luck with that. Their odds of success are about as high as my chances of remembering to water my plants.
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2025-10-28 16:04